I'm done.

Done with this for the time being

Too much going on in my personal life.

Eh.

Yeah...

Bye.

"People are afraid to merge"

*Sigh*

Hello faithful readers,

It is I, Ryan, your messiah, your diety, your god, your favorite author, your prime example of a jackass. Har har, I'm quite the comedian. Anywho. Ever have one of those days where you do your absolute best to be happy and have fun but it seems like people just don't want you to be happy and when you're not happy you realize all the bad stuff thats coming your way? I love when that happens. Honestly. I just feel so disconnected, like those old 1960's switchboards, its as though someone disconnected me from the switchboard from life and I'm laying on the operators desk, collecting dust. Each day I tell myself "cool I'm going to be part of society today", but then I realize I hate everyone... mostly... and then I don't care. I'm rambling. Which is essentially what this blog is for... but... Have you ever had a teacher tell you that you piss them off? All because you forgot to study for a test because you had a more important test to focus on? What's that one called again... oh yeah, the ACT. And the reason you forgot to study for this test was because the teacher believes that you should be responsible for printing off your own handouts off the ever wretched Blackboard.com? Oh, and this teacher is doing it in front of the entire class, showing your score (a 3/15, if you must know). Or don't you just love it when you realize it's Friday but then you remember that you have 5 make-up assignments for physics, a paper to write for Language Arts, 200 pages to read in a book (that needs to be annotated), a project that you haven't even started yet, oh yeah, and you remember the fact you have a D(66%) in Math and a D+(68%) in Physics, and that this might screw up the chances of you going to that college that you've always wanted to go to? I could very easily respond yes to all of the above. I just don't understand why school is school. I know everything I need to, yet, to be anywhere in life I have to go through at least four more years of this "schooling" to even start being whatever it is I want to? It's just effed up. Ugh whatever. I have some good thoughts brewing but I'm too angst-ridden to write about them.

JFK, RFK, and the Kennedy Kurse

So as I was sitting with Mike and Hunter in Portillo's a few nights ago after work, I began thinking about what would have happened if certain events in history never happened, the most important one being: What if JFK never died? Maybe then MLK Jr. wouldn't have been shot, and RFK wouldn't have died, and maybe Vietnam would have been avoided, Americans would have never lost faith in their government due to Watergate. There's just so much. *sigh* or, even better, what if RFK never died, he was almost guaranteed to win the election. It actually saddens me that he had to die because he gave so many people in America so much hope, then, on June 4th 1968 he was shot out of nowhere and killed. It's just baffling how "What if" everything in life is. I'll finish this post later, I'm going out to lunch.

"Our lives on this planet are too short, the work to be done is too great to let the spirit flourish any longer in this land of ours.
Of course, we cannot banish it with a program nor with a resolution…
But perhaps remember if only for a time, that those who live with us are our brothers, that they share with us the same short moments of life, that they seek, as do we,
nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and in happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment that they can.
Surely, this bond of common fate, surely, this bond of common goals can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at the least,
To look around at those of us, of our fellow men, and surely, we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become, in our hearts, brothers and countrymen once again. "-- Robert F. Kennedy

Cults? Inventions? SILENCE!

I decided for the first time in... ever... to write my ideas down as they popped up into my head throughout the day and it was a good idea, despite the fact my state of mind is well... lacking. Working + School + Homework = TIRED! Blah, that's why my posts have been kinda lacking as of late but I'll try to get them back up to the standard I initially set. Anyways the first idea I'll start off with, is that, have you ever noticed how cult-like people are? It's actually kinda creepy. I'm not saying people gather in the middle of the night, wearing deer antlers, drinking the blood of the innocent, but rather in a more pop-cultural sense. Here's an example: As I was sitting in math today, our teacher was asking us what our favorite burrito from Chipotle was out of two choices, and he came to this one girl who responded with "I've never had Chipotle" and honestly, you'd think she'd just made a joke about the recent (and tragic) Virginia Tech shootings. About a thousands "WHAT?!"'s rang out, one after another after that statement. I got the impression she was gonna be abducted during the night by the secret police, in a rather Orwellian fashion (see: 1984 by George Orwell [one of my favorite books ever]) And I just thought it was funny how we as humans settle into these trends where we conform so much to one thing that we forget what it's like to not have experienced those things we have conformed to, other examples are hearing songs that are popular, seeing shows on TV, etc etc, but of all the organizations who would have a secret police, it'd totally be Chipotle. (On a side note: I have never been, or ate at, a Chipotle, and never will) Which brings us to my next idea plucked from the tree which sprouts these ludicrous ideas daily. Humans are really really really really ridiculous. Every night on the news we hear how America is getting fatter and fatter, and about all these fad diets, but, did they ever stop to think that every single day we get something to do all the manual work for us? We have self-activating wind-shield wipers, self-working vacuums, Electric toothbrushes, electric flossers, automatic paper towel dispenses, automatic soap dispensers, automatic sinks, lights that go on when you walk into a room, cars that park themselves, GPS systems that have long since replaced maps of yore. We have seatbelts that adjust themselves, steering wheels that go back to the position we like, why can't they just stay there? We have treadmills so we don't have to witness the horrors of the good old outdoors, while people drive off to tanning salons to avoid the outdoors further. And as addicted as I am to the computer and all its splendor I can't help but wish I grew up in the 50's when people were outside more, and more carefree. These are the only automatic things I can think of off the top of my head, but I assure you, there are ridiculous ones out there. Another thing we as humans (mostly Americans) have are completely unnecessary amenities. Things like Scented toilet paper, flavored perfume, flavored condoms, cars whose manufacturers claim can drive fine in all weather, yet i see them going just as slow as everyone else on those first few days of snow fall, we have so many different flavors of toothpaste you'd swear you entered a gourmet restaurant, everything is wireless so humans will never have to be restricted by anything. I saw earmuffs the other day that you hook your iPod up to so you can listen to music and stay warm at the same time in the harshness of winter. Am I the only one who finds it the least bit ridiculous? We live in an "i" world, and it won't be before long that "i" infests everything and we live on planet iEarth. iDon't know about you but all this is kind of unnerving, as I was saying to my friend Shane yesterday in Physics, humans are either going to screw Earth over big time, to the point where we descend back into the Dark Ages, OR, we will eliminate the use of Fossil fuels and have huge technological breakthroughs that will propel us into another golden age of man. I hope that I am around to see the latter, and not the former.

And my last bit of writing I'll do for the night (which won't be nearly as big as it deserves) will be about the Day of Silence, which took place today. Gay rights is something I take very very very seriously, and I hope more and more each day that some day gays and straights and bi's will all be able to get along and religion won't be the majority leader in Congress preventing them from getting married. If you were silent today then I applaud you, I was going to partake but couldn't attend the mandatory meetings. I think this is an issue that needs to be taken seriously by all. That is all I'm going to say though before I go on a tirade of why I hate most of those on Capitol Hill.

That's my rantings for the day. Hope you all enjoyed!

Have a nice duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Rawr, bad day today, so expect a bad post.
Well... not bad as in "jesus Ryan can't type for crap" but bad as in "so much anger!"

Yeah.

Anyways.
So I decided I really can't tolerate people 9/10 times.
I work at Portillo's, as you all may or may not know. And there are a few things that really really bug me. They are as follows:

1. Yeah, don't give me your food ticket after I hand you your food. I know what you got.
2. Don't check your bag to see if everythings there after you saw me deliberately do it right in front of you
3. Know your number. If I have to say it three times for you to be able to realize that's your order, you deserve to drop your food.
• For those of you who don't know where the number is, check the top of the receipt, in the black bar
4. When you drop your food, don't make it sound like my fault. I told you to be careful.
5. (this is the most annoying of all) I decided people are honestly like... I don't even know how to describe it. The pet-peeve is this: If you get an order for "here" (eating in the restaurant), as opposed to "To go", and I don't give you (or the person) a tray because you have one freaking bag of food and one freaking drink, don't go "this is for here" yeah, i know it's for here, you could try using your bag as a tray, its like people lose all common sense without a tray, they become lost. And it drives me nuts. AHsklhfakshfa
6. When you're talking to the hispanic workers, you don't have to talk like you're talking to a retarded child. They comprehend most simple english, just speak a bit slower.
7. If you order a huge order, and get mad that it takes a while, DIAF.

Rawr, so that was my ranting for the day. Those things really annoy me. I have high expectations. I'm so tired. kshlafkh. I hate homework. I don't understand it. Like, I understand it but I personally think the whole grading system is dumb because it is my own opinion that most teachers use the grading system as a means to judge the quality of character of a student. If a student has an F, teachers are gonna be like "what a bad kid" and if you have an A, they wont. I really hate the grading system. People will learn if they want to, they won't learn if they don't want to. Simple as that.

In other news. I was thinking about super-powers today and I decided the following:

Favorite super-power to have: Ice powers (see... My favorite Super hero, Iceman
Most practical super-power (the one that would make the most sense to have): mind reading
Lamest super power: See... Aquaman

And in other news, don't even get me started on people calling Batman a super hero. He's not a super hero, he's just a rich dude with too much money and too much free time, so he dresses up in tights running around fighting crime. If i was rich, I wouldn't care about the common man :)
I wish I was rich... *sigh*

Oh, I'm really materialistic, if you couldn't tell.

Gogo ice man

There was more I wanted to write but I don't remember it so *shrug*

Im literally drawing a blank.

Wow. I can't think of shit to write. Uhhh. (I refuse to write about my day) Ah. I got it. Have you ever heard a song, and it made you think of an exact moment in your life, like, not a general moment but when you listen to the song it brings you back to that exact moment in your life? I love when that happens. My entire life I've been sorta writing a "movie" about my life in my head, like, I've been piecing what moments are significant and what are nonsense that I can throw out. I really wish my life were a movie. Yes, I'm that full of myself. I really think my life would be a good movie. And I have the perfect soundtrack to go along with it. Tons of songs, compiled in my head for exact moments. I just wish people could see the things I think. Blah. I wish like... I don't even know (you see, I got a phone call while I'm writing this and it's kinda stealing all my focused brain energy) Okay, off the phone. Back to focusing my energy. Errr I have work now but I'll finish this later

Lyrics of the Week

Im going to start a new thing called lyrics of the week. Each week ill pick new lyrics to post. This week is Bloc Party's "Uniform".... bolded verses will signify my favorite parts of the lyrics

Uniform
There was a sense of disappointment as we left the mall
All the young people looked the same
Wearing their masks of cool and indifference
Commerce dressed up as rebellion

'Cause we're so handsome and we're so bored
So entertain us, tell me a joke
Make it long, make it last
Make it cruel, just make me laugh
We can't be hurt, we can't be hurt

Drink to forget your blues on the weekend
Think about more things to buy
The TV taught me how to sulk and love nothing
And how to grow my hair long

'Cause we're so handsome and we're so bored
So entertain us, tell me a joke
Make it long, make it last
Make it cruel, just make me laugh
We can't be hurt, we can't be hurt
We can't be hurt

So why do you go picking fights that you'll lose?
(When you have entertained them. When you have things to pass the time)
So why do you go thinking thoughts that are above you?
(You can be happy just playing dumb. You can be happy just playing dumb)

Well I was brave (and unique), intelligent (a snowflake)
I could have been a hero
No-one can be trusted under the age of forty
Tattoo our arms (Converse shoes), cynical (we shun our roots)
We tell ourselves we're different
I've gotten so good at lying to myself

(Oh!)
All my pain and honour is used up
(Oh! Oh! Oh!)
All my guns are rusted

So when you gonna realise
Those are not your wrongs to right?
Have another line, have another drink

I am a martyr, I just need a motive
I am a martyr, I just need a cause
I'm a believer, I just need a moment
I'm a believer, I just need a cause

We're finding it hard to break the mold
We're finding it hard to be alone
We're finding it hard to atone for ourselves
We have nothing at all to say

Uniform

There was a sense of disappointment as we left the mall
All the young people looked the same

Haircut? Yes please!

So, as I was driving home from my ACT today, I was thinking about the haircut I'm supposed to get later on today (in 33 minutes, to be precise [Time now 2:27]) and I was thinking to myself, what if you could get "life"cuts? Like, you could get all the things trimmed out of your life that you didn't want, you could style it to however you please, put some product in it to make it interesting and off you'd go! And then when things would start getting "hairy" again (pun most definitely intended) you'd just go in again and do the same. Imagine how cool that'd be. I mean, obviously these things would be costly, and there would be a fair share of risks (as we've all had those haircuts that look like the barber was well, was Helen Keller.) and for the better "life barbers" it'd be even more. And like, what if they determined your outcome, in your life. I'll use an example... okay, lets go with Hanson, (oom bop *shudder*) they kinda fell off the radar. BUT! What if, when their career started failing, they just went for a life cut, and were BOOM back at the top of the charts. Obviously this idea isn't fully thought through as I don't know exactly how you'd be able to materialize to cut, but, that'll come in due time. Anyways, that's my meandering thought for the day. Perhaps not my best, but... still good.

In other news I'd like to speak a few words for the beloved Steve Rogers, but most of you may know him as Captain America

Steve passed away a few issues ago in the Marvel Civil War comic book series and I felt it necessary to put in a few words of kindness for him and all the lives he touched...

Steve died a cruel death... for those of you who'd like to know.. scroll down.

Shot to death by f*cking cowards.

Hate me. Please?

BRAIN BLAST!

My loyal readers, I must present to you this new idea I stumbled upon! Ahem, allow me to start...

So, I was driving home from getting dinner from Uncle Pete's (yum) when (im not sure how) but I stumbled upon this thought like a tree root sticking out of my metaphorical brain wave. And my thought is this: I would really like to meet someone who hates me, who can't stand my presence in the very least. I'd like to know what it is about me that just drives them to the brink, and I mean, I get how people could hate me, believe me, im an ass, im sarcastic, i cant take criticism, i have an excuse for everything, BUT, what if it's something completely abstract. Like, what if... they think I look like a squirrel, and they had a bad encounter with squirrels and they just hate me, but they themselves dont know why they hate me because their brain hasn't made that connection yet! How fascinating! Man, just to know why someone hates me, maybe I wronged them, maybe they're jealous! If so, what are they jealous about?? There are limitless possibilities! Maybe they think I dress poorly and they hate me for that, maybe they hate themselves for hating me! Ahhhh I can't let this go! I must think on this more. Maybe this is why they hate me, because I have a blog! It's like the 6 degrees of separation theory on a whole new scale! I could sit here and list all the possibilities all day but that would make for an unnecessarily long blog, and this is already my second time posting in one day so I can't push the limit anymore. Anyways, I just thought you all may like to teeth on that. Enjoy! (I know I did!)

Existing is existing is existing...

So, as I was sitting in my Den of Evil (aka my room) I was sitting around wondering to myself what exactly what I was doing. I glance to my left, I see my unmade bed all askew, i look to my right, a window (blinds closed, of course) and a soda bottle, I look up and see lights. Thats when I realize what I'm doing, and that, of course, mes amis, is existing, all i was doing at that point was existing and its such a great thing to do. I mean, there are millions of things, both good and bad, going on in the world right now, yet I had found a nook to just exist in. Everyone works towards something in life, but at this moment, I was aspiring to nothing, and regretting even less, i was just matter in space and time, and man did it feel great. Now this may sound like the post of a stoner or some other drug user, but not I. I am as straight-edge as they come, but even I can take the time to appreciate my own existence.

Which brings me to my next point.
Well, not really at all, as this will be an entirely different topic, but still.

There was something I wanted to post yesterday but I didn't want to post three times in one day, so I didn't, and of course now I can't remember it.

I wanna keep a dream journal, thinks I. Because even though 3(?) posts ago I recalled a very vivid dream, but that was a rare, rare, occurrence, and I don't use italics for just anything.
Anyways, one of my dreams (ironically) is to have a lucid dream, and the best way for that to happen, is for you to be able to remember your dreams better, which is what a dream journal is supposed to help do. Just think though, how cool would that be? To know you're dreaming and be able to do anything you want, any fantasy fulfilled, every life crisis that you've thought "Man, I should have done blah blah blah" well now you can! Did you know its proven that you can conquer a fear, or fears, through lucid dreaming? as well as increase your cognitive skills and motor skills? I'd practice guitar in my dream, the entire dream, just me in a room practicing guitar, cause that's my main goal in life, to be as good as Russell Lissack at guitar but I'm too gosh darn stupid to get off my computer and actually pick up my guitar... One of these days... and I could try and make excuses, but I won't, it's my own fault... you know what, no, I'm going to practice right now! Huzzah!

Adios fellow earthlings,

Enjoy existing

Texting Tidbits

I know it's a blogging 'faux pas' (so to speak) to post twice in one day, but I figure this is more a universal post, that can actually be used to some advantage to others. Anyways. To lead into the topic I should inform you I have recently taken to occasionally text messaging in class (something me and my (rather) good friend Katie have taken to, as we do not attend the same school) and as I sat there, I devised some "rules" for texting during school that will most assuredly help get you out of a bind...

1. The most obvious rule, never EVER keep sound on.
• It is in my own opinion, vibrate should be turned off as well
2. If you must keep your phone on vibrate, remove change (or any other metal objects) from your pocket as the jingling coming from your pocket may give you away
3. If possible, get a seat close to a wall where your most dexterous hand will be against the wall (if you write with your left, sit along the left wall, and vice versa) this will help give you a good hiding place for your phone that wont be too obvious to a teacher.
4. If you're going to be texting in an awkward position (one arm straight down at your side) sit in the awkward position for a while before, that way when you move to texting mode, your teacher won't be suspicious of your newly adopted position.
5. Don't sit in the front, c'mon people
• If you MUST sit in the front (as is my case in Intermediate Composition) wait til your teacher is closest to the front of your text so when they look down they won't see the phone below your desk
6. Don't text non-discretely in the halls, teachers like to creep up on you (though hallways provide lowest chances of getting a detention)
7. Don't keep nervously glancing at your teacher while you're texting, unless you want to give yourself away
8. AND LASTLY... learn the damn keypad people. The #1 give away of a school-texter (besides sound) is when you spot some kid randomly staring downwards at the ground or some other random location because theyre too slow to learn how obvious they are being not only to the teacher but to everyone around them

Those are just a few tips, follow them or not, they all have worked for me.
Peace.

Oh how the mighty have fallen...

I'm not necessarily sure that the title of this post will have anything to do with the post itself, but I really wanted to have that as my title. Anyways, I know I said I wouldn't discuss my day in here BUT I figure this is a story worth telling...actually... first off...

Have you ever had one of those dreams that, while it was happening seemed super real? Like, you could feel your heart pounding in your chest and you had like actual feeling in the dream? I had one of those this morning... between 6:46 and 7:06 (the time will matter later on, trust me). In my dream, I was at a Bloc Party concert, and they needed someone to come up on stage and help them... much to my extreme delight Kele Okereke (lead singer and rhythm guitar) selected me to go up there and help, so i did, and it was amazing, then, I hopped back down after the song had completed and was standing in the front row of the audience and I looked over to the lead guitarist, Russell Lissack (see the picture to the left of this post) and I nodded (in recognition) at him, and he said "Hey, your hair is kind of like mine" so I laughed and replied "Haha, I guess it is!" (too shy to tell him i was trying to look like him...) to which he then turned to his fellow band mates and said "I told you it was a popular style!", a statement which the crowd laughed at, the band then asked for what song they should play, and thats when I heard the song "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance start playing... which (you may not know) is my friend (and transportation to and from school)'s ringtone. I look at the clock: it's 7:06. I pick up the phone. "Hey Im outside" me: "uhhhh can you go get shane and suzy first?" steve: "sure"

This leads us into part 2 of my epic journey this morn.

As I scrambled around my room like I'd never been in it before, all I could think about was "GAHHHH I WISH THAT DREAM WAS REAL!" as well as the usual "Oh man I'm so late", so I pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt, put on deodorant, some of my scent, and took my pills (a necessity), steve then called me back to inform me he was outside, I told him I'd be right out (even though I wasnt ready) so I snatched up my belt, shoved it in my pocket, grabbed my wallet, shoved that in my pocket too (with its chain dangling around), grabbed some dirty socks off the floor and my shoes, my bag, and ran out the door, holding up my pants because they were falling (due to my lack of belt-age) with my pen in my mouth. No one told me it was wet out. THANKS AGAIN SNOW, THANKS AGAIN. So i dived into steve's car and we were off to school.

But back to the actual "blogging" part of this, as I was sitting in class one of these days, I began wondering "What if one morning I woke up and no one knew me?" like, what if, upon waking one morning your mom (or dad) looked at you with utter confusion and worry, wanting to know what you were doing in their house, and everything continued like that throughout the day, all your friends got angry at you for following them around, proclaiming "Why the F*ck are you following me around creep?"... what would you do? Me, I'd break down, as my friends are my lifeblood. I just thought it was an interesting thought...

Snow... In April?!

This morning (fully knowing that I had to wake up early) I swung my feet out of bed just 10 minutes before I had to leave for a doctors appointment. As I clamored around my room for a few seconds to orient myself I found myself rather chilly, I stumbled my way (similar to that of a drunkard) over to the window and what did I see? SNOW! I'm pretty sure that last time I checked... snow didn't belong in April. Late November? It's a push but sure. December? Expected. January? Bring it on baby. February? Eh, it'll be done soon. March? This is the last of it. BUT APRIL?! One can only imagine the shock (as I'm sure was similar to all of yours) that I was in. Last time I checked it was 90 over Spring Break. Needless to say Old Man Winter had cast his shroud of seasonal depression upon me once again, as I was forced to gaze upon grey skies, slush filled roads, and that gross way grass looks after its been soaked in snow.

The only reasonable explanation that I could come up with for this strange occurence was... (now hold onto your hats ladies and gents)... during the night, we slipped into a timewarp, and are now back in January. It's a stretch, but, in a day and age when we have vacuums that do all the work, cars who park themselves, sliced bread, and TV's thinner than my American History book, is it that strange? Nay, says I.

/End rant.

P.S. On a side note (keep in mind I am a supporter of the Global Warming theory) does anyone else find it strange that in a time when we're being told the earth is getting hotter each day, that snow shows up way overdue? Just something to crunch your brain up. I will now resume eating the 20 dollars worth of Easter candy I bought 2 days ago. Good luck all.

P.P.S. I also forgot to mention, instead of going to my doctors appointment this morning (hence me waking up early) we turned around and did not get on to Stevenson (due to traffic, thanks again SNOW) anywho, i convinced my mom to not let me go in til third hour and instead of going to the doctor I ate Trix and was flipping through the channels when I saw James Dean, turns out it was "Rebel Without A Cause" so i watched this, and after seeing what I saw, I have now developed a growing curiosity in the way of all things James Dean, so... yeah.