A lot of you, I'm sure, have noticed that I haven't exactly been my typical jubilant self recently...
The purpose of this post is not to seek pity, nor compliments, nor advice, nor anger. This post aims to achieve nothing more than to relieve the curiosity of those who might wonder, "What's wrong with Ryan?"
It all has to do with a steady stream of realizations that all hit me at once.
The first thing I'm going to tackle is the one that I'm tired of bringing up with people because I always feel like a jerk for doing it because I know that nothing good is going to come of the conversation that follows. I mean not to insult any advice or compliments people have given me... but I need to get this out of the way.
The other day I realized that I am destined to be alone... most likely forever. It all comes down to the most superficial thing you can think of: my looks.
You always hear how "women love confidence"... I believe that's true, along with all the other drivel. The problem is I cannot possibly find myself attractive, I have no confidence in myself, in my looks, in the way I act... When I look in the mirror in the mornings I always wish I was anyone but me... I always tells people I think I'm ugly and, being the kind people they are, in response tell me that I'm not, and I appreciate that. The thing is though, it doesn't matter who tells me I'm attractive... I'm always going to think I'm not. You could have all my celebrity crushes tell me that I'm the hottest thing ever and I'd not believe it for a second. Ugh this post is so abstract... I'll have to revise when I'm more awake... the point is... There's that old saying "You can't love someone until you love yourself." Well, I'm never going to love myself... the fact is I hate the way I look; do I think I look better than some people? Sure. Do I think I look attractive on some days? Sure. Most of the time though I'd rather just close my eyes and make up a life for myself then actually have to go out and face the day. The reason this is so harrowing to me is because I'm the kind of person who hates being alone... and with this inability to even approach a girl, let alone charm one, alone is what it appears I'm going to be. This is one of the many revelations that I have made that have slowly been chipping away at my ...sanity?
Next... Everything I used to define myself by... everything I used to attribute to myself... It's all gone. There's nothing.
I used to pride myself on my hot girlfriend; that's gone. I'm not saying that I'm sitting in the dark watching The Notebook over and over again but it's one facet of my life I used to be proud of, something that gave me some confidence
I used to pride myself on my ability to maintain a relationship for 2+ years; the fact is that... well, I don't want to go into specifics but it was far from your 'normal' relationship (Sorry Liz, I think we both feel the same way though)
I used to pride myself on what little smarts I had; I've now come to accept the fact that anyone can get a 30 on their ACT if they are given the same "accommodations" that I had. Further purporting this fact is the fact that well, I FLUNKED a college class... my first semester. I know they say that all the famous geniuses had trouble in school but I'm sure all those famous geniuses also got a much higher score than a 30 on their ACT
I used to pride myself on the fact that I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my, and I knew how I was going to achieve it; I now know that the achievements I had laid out before me can never be. To be a successful lawyer, you must get into a major law school, to get into a major law school you have to have an incredibly high GPA as well as something about you that catches the Universitys eye. With my new F, It will take me 4 years just to recover my GPA from the gutter.
I have nothing left for myself. I am a shell of what I once was; I have friends, to be sure, but they all have direction. Still, I am thankful for them. As well as for my new found family.
So, consider this my last ever time of "feeling sorry for myself" because I hate bringing up the same problems over and over and over and over again, because they're always going to relate to these.
"...Hurricane I'll never outrun/I could wait around for the dust to still/But I don't believe that it ever will..."
-- Hurricane by The Hush Sound
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Feeling really sentimental and deep
I was listening to Several Ways to Die Trying by Dashboard Confessional and, doing the thing I normally do with my head when I hear a song I really like, I made a scene of a movie out of it and I really wanted to write it out:
**NOTE: You really should just put "Several Ways to Die Trying" by Dashboard Confessional on repeat while reading this. You can hear it here
Me and Liz lay in my bed, the dripping of rain off of the edge of the roof can be heard outside. My feet are freezing and pale, probably because my heavy blanket isn't covering them since Liz is wrapped up in the blanket. Liz's head rests on my chest, the scent of her shampoo entering my nose. I lay on my back, hands behind my head, her arm reaches across my chest, by her head.
Liz is sound asleep, as is usual, but I can't get myself to fall asleep, despite the gray and moist conditions outside; perfecting napping weather.
As I lay there with this girl strewn across my chest like a second layer of blanket, I think about our relationship; scenes of us arguing, fighting, yelling, crying, screaming, sobbing, all enter my head. That night in my car before I left for college. Did she really yell at me that loud?
All these images fill my head, like a movie. I can't shake them but at the same time I'm fascinated by them. Like footage of 9/11, you want to look away but you can't help but keep watching, wondering what will happen next, staring in disbelief: "Did this really just happen?"
Flashback to being in my room, from fighting to sleeping, perhaps the two most opposite actions a human can do. She looks like a small kid, laying there on my chest. I think about all the times she told me that she hates waking up without me; why can't she say things like that all the time? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe we aren't met for each other.
As soon as the words "Break" and "Up" pop into my head all the happy memories come back. Laying on the beach in summer, driving up to Kate's lakehouse that first summer we were together, the drive back with Cathy asleep in the back seat. Pushing her on the swing, swimming with her in that crappy hotel pool, it all comes back like a flood of water. I listen to the thunder roll outside, images of us on my basement floor, watching movies *song crescendos* all these good memories play back in my head as though they're mounted on one of those old-time film projectors, you know the kind, where the reels of film show up like train tracks on the screen, completeing the metaphor of the film in my head representing a journey; the same journey one might take on a train. I think about all of this, the good, the bad. Was it worth it? I take one last look at this 18 year old girl, reverted back into her infantile state, sleeping on my chest.
It's not about whether or not it's worth it. It's about if I'm happy with my life. The things we do make us who we are, and whether or not I end up marrying this girl is irrelevant, all the experience she has given me is what matters. That's what ALL life is about. The road we go down, the parts revealed to us and the parts still concealed.
/End memory
**NOTE: You really should just put "Several Ways to Die Trying" by Dashboard Confessional on repeat while reading this. You can hear it here
Me and Liz lay in my bed, the dripping of rain off of the edge of the roof can be heard outside. My feet are freezing and pale, probably because my heavy blanket isn't covering them since Liz is wrapped up in the blanket. Liz's head rests on my chest, the scent of her shampoo entering my nose. I lay on my back, hands behind my head, her arm reaches across my chest, by her head.
Liz is sound asleep, as is usual, but I can't get myself to fall asleep, despite the gray and moist conditions outside; perfecting napping weather.
As I lay there with this girl strewn across my chest like a second layer of blanket, I think about our relationship; scenes of us arguing, fighting, yelling, crying, screaming, sobbing, all enter my head. That night in my car before I left for college. Did she really yell at me that loud?
All these images fill my head, like a movie. I can't shake them but at the same time I'm fascinated by them. Like footage of 9/11, you want to look away but you can't help but keep watching, wondering what will happen next, staring in disbelief: "Did this really just happen?"
Flashback to being in my room, from fighting to sleeping, perhaps the two most opposite actions a human can do. She looks like a small kid, laying there on my chest. I think about all the times she told me that she hates waking up without me; why can't she say things like that all the time? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe we aren't met for each other.
As soon as the words "Break" and "Up" pop into my head all the happy memories come back. Laying on the beach in summer, driving up to Kate's lakehouse that first summer we were together, the drive back with Cathy asleep in the back seat. Pushing her on the swing, swimming with her in that crappy hotel pool, it all comes back like a flood of water. I listen to the thunder roll outside, images of us on my basement floor, watching movies *song crescendos* all these good memories play back in my head as though they're mounted on one of those old-time film projectors, you know the kind, where the reels of film show up like train tracks on the screen, completeing the metaphor of the film in my head representing a journey; the same journey one might take on a train. I think about all of this, the good, the bad. Was it worth it? I take one last look at this 18 year old girl, reverted back into her infantile state, sleeping on my chest.
It's not about whether or not it's worth it. It's about if I'm happy with my life. The things we do make us who we are, and whether or not I end up marrying this girl is irrelevant, all the experience she has given me is what matters. That's what ALL life is about. The road we go down, the parts revealed to us and the parts still concealed.
/End memory
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Mix of the Moment
(Songs are not on the CD in this order)
1. Leftovers - Girlicious (??)
2. Mercury - Bloc Party
3. Ten Speed (of God's Blood and Burial) - Coheed & Cambria
4. Wake Up - Coheed & Cambria
5. Closer to the Heart - Rush
6. Freewill - Rush
7. Don't Ask Why - Vanessa Hudgens
8. Smile - Weezer
9. Baba O'Riley - The Who
10. Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
11. The Spirit of Radio - Rush
12. Karaoke Plays - Maximo Park
13. The Unshockable - Maximo Park
14. Nosebleed - Maximo Park
15. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Miley Cyrus
16. Driveway - Miley Cyrus
17. Breakout - Miley Cyrus
18. Damn - Katy Perry
19. Now or Never - High School Musical 3 Cast
20. Don't Walk Away - Miley Cyrus
21. Like a Prayer - Madonna
1. Leftovers - Girlicious (??)
2. Mercury - Bloc Party
3. Ten Speed (of God's Blood and Burial) - Coheed & Cambria
4. Wake Up - Coheed & Cambria
5. Closer to the Heart - Rush
6. Freewill - Rush
7. Don't Ask Why - Vanessa Hudgens
8. Smile - Weezer
9. Baba O'Riley - The Who
10. Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
11. The Spirit of Radio - Rush
12. Karaoke Plays - Maximo Park
13. The Unshockable - Maximo Park
14. Nosebleed - Maximo Park
15. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Miley Cyrus
16. Driveway - Miley Cyrus
17. Breakout - Miley Cyrus
18. Damn - Katy Perry
19. Now or Never - High School Musical 3 Cast
20. Don't Walk Away - Miley Cyrus
21. Like a Prayer - Madonna
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Blah Blah Blah
DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND...
I AM BACK!!
Sort of. I'm working on setting up a .Mac blog but it's taking a really long time. Anyways, all I've been doing recently is been getting ready for college, and being obsessed with Dragonball Z and Rock Band. Feeding my inner-nerd, if you will. College is gonna be really exciting. Before I was sort of skeptical about it, but now I see that it really be one of the most person-defining experiences of my life. A chance for me to expand my personality, to add new facets to it, to expand myself in ways that I was previously unable to. I've never volunteered for anything, but I've already found two groups I want to volunteer in, so I'm really excited about that. I'm also excited to be in charge of my own life. To finally accept more responsibility for myself, my actions. For once, I got to make my own schedule. It was a little weird at first, because I felt like someone should be holding my hand through the whole thing, but they weren't, and my schedule turned out just fine:
Thursday: History- 12:30-1:20, Psych- 3:30-4:45
Friday: Poli. Sci.- 8:00-8:50, English- 9:00-9:50
And, because of this schedule, I'll not only have time for a job, but also for volunteering, and friends, and me time. College is turning out to be a lot more fantastic than I expected. I truly thought it'd be High School all over again, and all this hype was just talk. I know now that that is not true, and I'm looking forward more than ever to it.
In other news, I have been working on my Senior Summer video and it's been turning out great. I really think in the end it will be one of the finer things I've accomplished in my life. Nothing like commemorating the last traditional summer of ones life by getting it all down on camera. It's very, very time consuming, but at least it's something I enjoy doing. Other than that, I've been babysitting a bit, and that is earning me some money on the side.
Ahhhh everything has just been happening so fast, it's hard for me to get a grip on it, but I will.
In the words of blink-182 "Well I guess this is growing up"
I AM BACK!!
Sort of. I'm working on setting up a .Mac blog but it's taking a really long time. Anyways, all I've been doing recently is been getting ready for college, and being obsessed with Dragonball Z and Rock Band. Feeding my inner-nerd, if you will. College is gonna be really exciting. Before I was sort of skeptical about it, but now I see that it really be one of the most person-defining experiences of my life. A chance for me to expand my personality, to add new facets to it, to expand myself in ways that I was previously unable to. I've never volunteered for anything, but I've already found two groups I want to volunteer in, so I'm really excited about that. I'm also excited to be in charge of my own life. To finally accept more responsibility for myself, my actions. For once, I got to make my own schedule. It was a little weird at first, because I felt like someone should be holding my hand through the whole thing, but they weren't, and my schedule turned out just fine:
Monday: English- 9:00-9:50, Political Science- 10:00-10:50, History- 1:00-1:50
Tuesday: Psychology- 3:30-4:45
Wednesday: English- 9:00-9:50, Pol. Sci.- 10:00-10:50, History- 1:00-1:50, Psych- 2:00-2:50Thursday: History- 12:30-1:20, Psych- 3:30-4:45
Friday: Poli. Sci.- 8:00-8:50, English- 9:00-9:50
And, because of this schedule, I'll not only have time for a job, but also for volunteering, and friends, and me time. College is turning out to be a lot more fantastic than I expected. I truly thought it'd be High School all over again, and all this hype was just talk. I know now that that is not true, and I'm looking forward more than ever to it.
In other news, I have been working on my Senior Summer video and it's been turning out great. I really think in the end it will be one of the finer things I've accomplished in my life. Nothing like commemorating the last traditional summer of ones life by getting it all down on camera. It's very, very time consuming, but at least it's something I enjoy doing. Other than that, I've been babysitting a bit, and that is earning me some money on the side.
Ahhhh everything has just been happening so fast, it's hard for me to get a grip on it, but I will.
In the words of blink-182 "Well I guess this is growing up"
Monday, May 12, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
:-\
There's something I really wanna blog about but... I just don't have it in me. Maybe later.
I wish I was someone of at least a little importance.
I wish I was someone of at least a little importance.
ALLLL NEWWW
Just thought I'd draw your attention to my fun(?) new widget, my Twitter Updates. Twitter is a website that serves the sole purpose of letting people know what you're doing at any time by allowing you to update it from your phone. So now I can spare Big Brother the work and let them know what I'm doing without them even having to spy on me :)
Oh, and I'll be adding tags to my posts from now on so that my blog will show up in google/blogger searches.
Oh, and I'll be adding tags to my posts from now on so that my blog will show up in google/blogger searches.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Technical Difficulties
I'm still having extreme(ly frustrating) difficulties with these videos, so in the mean time, why not read Michael Moore's endorsement of Barack Obama? Regardless of how you feel about Mr. Moore, his words ring very truly and contain a lot of the stuff I couldn't say before.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
PARAMORE/JIMMY EAT WORLD! VIDEOS!!
This is just one of the 6 videos, the rest will be up later because my computer is going ridiculously slow. Enjoy!!
PARAMORE/JIMMY EAT WORLD!
Oh. Man. The concert was absolutely amazing. Unfortunately, I really don't feel like typing about how good it was so instead I'm just going to insert a slide show here of all the pics I took! Video's will be up VERY soon!!
Paramore/Jimmy Eat World
Paramore/Jimmy Eat World
Saturday, April 19, 2008
BEWARE
Just a little FYI...
I am totally trolling around on Facebook right now. Like, to the very definition. This is why I tell people I have no self control... because I don't. If I closed my eyes... I could actually... yeah, I could actually fall asleep right here.
To bed! *whoosh*
P.S.: Three posts, one day (sorta)
Thoughts??
I am totally trolling around on Facebook right now. Like, to the very definition. This is why I tell people I have no self control... because I don't. If I closed my eyes... I could actually... yeah, I could actually fall asleep right here.
To bed! *whoosh*
P.S.: Three posts, one day (sorta)
Thoughts??
Friday, April 18, 2008
Dessert, anyone?
Just an afterthought...
How crazy that we had an earthquake??
I totally didn't believe my mom when she told me this morning.
I'm so sad I wasn't awake to feel it! I envy(?) those who were...
I'll have a good post coming later! Keep checkin' in ;)
How crazy that we had an earthquake??
I totally didn't believe my mom when she told me this morning.
I'm so sad I wasn't awake to feel it! I envy(?) those who were...
I'll have a good post coming later! Keep checkin' in ;)
Mix of the Moment
Due to this WONDERFUL!! warm weather, you all know I just had to make a CD laden with songs that are ideal for blasting with windows down on those warm summer days, as well as a few slow ballads to relax to on those ever-so-necessary summer night drives. Here it is (this is not the order the tracks are arranged in on the CD, I had iTunes randomize that for me :D)
1. Like It or Leave It - Aly & AJ
2. Hot Stuff - Ashlee Simpson
3. Invisible (Bonus Track) - Ashlee Simpson
4. Soundtrack to Your Life - Ashley Parker Angel
5. The Party Song - blink-182
6. Flux - Bloc Party
7. Break the Ice - Britney Spears
8. Lose It - Cartel
9. Thirsty - Cassie
10. Do You Know (The Ping Pong Song) - Enrique Iglesias
11. The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes - Fall Out Boy
12. The Lights and Buzz - Jack's Mannequin
13. S.O.S. - Jonas Brothers
14. Am I Dreaming - Kat Deluna
15. Paper Planes - M.I.A.
16. Let's Dance - Miley Cyrus
17. So Over You - The Mission District
18. All That We Needed - Plain White T's
19. Buttons - The Pussycat Dolls
20. Tangled Up In Me - Skye Sweetnam
21. John Wayne Gacy Jr. - Sufjan Stevens
22. All About Us - t.A.T.u.
23. Give It To Me - Timbaland ft. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake
24. Take Me On The Floor - The Veronicas
Fantastic!
1. Like It or Leave It - Aly & AJ
2. Hot Stuff - Ashlee Simpson
3. Invisible (Bonus Track) - Ashlee Simpson
4. Soundtrack to Your Life - Ashley Parker Angel
5. The Party Song - blink-182
6. Flux - Bloc Party
7. Break the Ice - Britney Spears
8. Lose It - Cartel
9. Thirsty - Cassie
10. Do You Know (The Ping Pong Song) - Enrique Iglesias
11. The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes - Fall Out Boy
12. The Lights and Buzz - Jack's Mannequin
13. S.O.S. - Jonas Brothers
14. Am I Dreaming - Kat Deluna
15. Paper Planes - M.I.A.
16. Let's Dance - Miley Cyrus
17. So Over You - The Mission District
18. All That We Needed - Plain White T's
19. Buttons - The Pussycat Dolls
20. Tangled Up In Me - Skye Sweetnam
21. John Wayne Gacy Jr. - Sufjan Stevens
22. All About Us - t.A.T.u.
23. Give It To Me - Timbaland ft. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake
24. Take Me On The Floor - The Veronicas
Fantastic!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Calm before the storm??
So, I know I need to update... and I've been thinking...
About nothing! I have nothing to say! I've been sick the past three days though (as if you didn't notice ;-)) and so mayyybbeeeee that sucked away some of my thoughts? All of my stress has just literally vanished.. *poof*! I know thats bad because now there is nothing to keep me on track with however many projects I need to do but it just feels so great to be legitimately happy again!
There is so much coming up in my life that I have to look forward to! So to take up room I think I'll make a list!
1. Wednesday and Thursday off next week! (And Friday? ;))
2. All the CD's coming out (and the ones that have come out) that I want!
a. Mariah Carey - E=MC2
b. Ashlee Simpson - Bittersweet World
c. Madonna - Hard Candy
d. Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
e. Coldplay - Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends
And many many more!
3. GTA IV on April 29th!!
4. Iron Man on May 2nd!
5. Other movies I wanna see that are coming out!
a. The Incredible Hulk
b. Speed Racer
c. Wanted
d. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
e. Tropic Thunder
More there as well!
6. Prom on May 10th
And the big enchilada...
GRADUATION!!
OH man, there is just so much! Life is gonna be taking some bigggg twists and turns! I can feel that much!
About nothing! I have nothing to say! I've been sick the past three days though (as if you didn't notice ;-)) and so mayyybbeeeee that sucked away some of my thoughts? All of my stress has just literally vanished.. *poof*! I know thats bad because now there is nothing to keep me on track with however many projects I need to do but it just feels so great to be legitimately happy again!
There is so much coming up in my life that I have to look forward to! So to take up room I think I'll make a list!
1. Wednesday and Thursday off next week! (And Friday? ;))
2. All the CD's coming out (and the ones that have come out) that I want!
a. Mariah Carey - E=MC2
b. Ashlee Simpson - Bittersweet World
c. Madonna - Hard Candy
d. Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
e. Coldplay - Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends
And many many more!
3. GTA IV on April 29th!!
4. Iron Man on May 2nd!
5. Other movies I wanna see that are coming out!
a. The Incredible Hulk
b. Speed Racer
c. Wanted
d. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
e. Tropic Thunder
More there as well!
6. Prom on May 10th
And the big enchilada...
GRADUATION!!
OH man, there is just so much! Life is gonna be taking some bigggg twists and turns! I can feel that much!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Mix of the Moment
1. Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd
2. Boys - Ashlee Simpson
3. Ragdoll - Ashlee Simpson
4. Hot Stuff - Ashlee Simpson
5. Invisible (Bonus Track) - Ashlee Simpson
6. Official Girl - Cassie
7. The City Is At War - Cobra Starship
8. Guilty Pleasure - Cobra Starship
9. Kiss My Sass - Cobra Starship (Ft. Travis McCoy)
10. Bixby, Canyon Bridge - Death Cab for Cutie
11. No Sunlight - Death Cab for Cutie
12. Cath... - Death Cab for Cutie
13. You Can Do Better Than Me - Death Cab for Cutie
14. Grapevine Fires - Death Cab for Cutie
15. California One Youth and Beauty Brigade - The Decemberists
16. Eli, The Barrow Boy - The Decemberists
17. Paralyzer - Finger Eleven
18. Paralyze - Tila Tequila
19. Migrate - Mariah Carey (Ft. T-Pain)
20. Bye Bye - Mariah Carey
2. Boys - Ashlee Simpson
3. Ragdoll - Ashlee Simpson
4. Hot Stuff - Ashlee Simpson
5. Invisible (Bonus Track) - Ashlee Simpson
6. Official Girl - Cassie
7. The City Is At War - Cobra Starship
8. Guilty Pleasure - Cobra Starship
9. Kiss My Sass - Cobra Starship (Ft. Travis McCoy)
10. Bixby, Canyon Bridge - Death Cab for Cutie
11. No Sunlight - Death Cab for Cutie
12. Cath... - Death Cab for Cutie
13. You Can Do Better Than Me - Death Cab for Cutie
14. Grapevine Fires - Death Cab for Cutie
15. California One Youth and Beauty Brigade - The Decemberists
16. Eli, The Barrow Boy - The Decemberists
17. Paralyzer - Finger Eleven
18. Paralyze - Tila Tequila
19. Migrate - Mariah Carey (Ft. T-Pain)
20. Bye Bye - Mariah Carey
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Lyrics of the Week
These are quite possibly the most poetic lyrics I've ever heard/read. What makes them even more effective is that the lead singer says them, making the words that much more powerful. I wish I was this good of a writer...
The Approaching Curve
by Rise Against
by Rise Against
[Spoken:]
The music blared with a calming frequency
The speakers gently seeped the sounds of ambient keyboards and light percussion,
Creating a seductive soundtrack to our midnight drive through curtains of blackness.
The windows were cold to the touch, reflecting the icy conditions in our immediate extremities
Salt stains and fingerprints riddled the glass,
and streets with melted snow cascaded down its length.
The music pulsed louder, yet gentle, like the far away squeal of a pot of boiling water.
The skyline was glowing faintly with vague hints of an impending dawn.
The car raced along a painfully straight stretch of road,
She hadn't so much as turned the steering wheel two degrees in the last twenty minutes.
Nor had we spoken.
[Sung:]
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember only our smiles,
'Cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
[Spoken:]
"Why are you doing this?"
She spoke as if not expecting a response.
Her voice penetrated the still air of our speechless drive, so suddenly that my heart had jumped.
"I'm not doing anything" I said, but I didn't even believe that myself.
"This is what's best, for me, for you, for us" Or maybe just for me I thought,
as a tear formed in the pit of her eye.
The music poured through the speakers, and we were losing ourselves in the cadence.
She looked down momentarily and closed her eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink.
Then she was crying.
Then she was shouting.
Then I was shouting.
Now pouring confessions, having no answers, or solutions.
We barely even knew the questions.
[Sung:]
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember only our smiles,
'Cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
Don't put me under ground, I was meant for a life somewhere else.
Please Love, give me the wheel, before both of our hearts you will steal tonight.
(Will steal tonight...)
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember only our smiles,
'Cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
[Spoken:]
Our cracking voices became part of the music.
The car pressed on faster through the night.
As our voices lowered, the cadence again overtook the air.
Up ahead there was a curve approaching.
She made no indications of slowing.
The speakers gently seeped the sounds of ambient keyboards and light percussion,
Creating a seductive soundtrack to our midnight drive through curtains of blackness.
The windows were cold to the touch, reflecting the icy conditions in our immediate extremities
Salt stains and fingerprints riddled the glass,
and streets with melted snow cascaded down its length.
The music pulsed louder, yet gentle, like the far away squeal of a pot of boiling water.
The skyline was glowing faintly with vague hints of an impending dawn.
The car raced along a painfully straight stretch of road,
She hadn't so much as turned the steering wheel two degrees in the last twenty minutes.
Nor had we spoken.
[Sung:]
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember only our smiles,
'Cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
[Spoken:]
"Why are you doing this?"
She spoke as if not expecting a response.
Her voice penetrated the still air of our speechless drive, so suddenly that my heart had jumped.
"I'm not doing anything" I said, but I didn't even believe that myself.
"This is what's best, for me, for you, for us" Or maybe just for me I thought,
as a tear formed in the pit of her eye.
The music poured through the speakers, and we were losing ourselves in the cadence.
She looked down momentarily and closed her eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink.
Then she was crying.
Then she was shouting.
Then I was shouting.
Now pouring confessions, having no answers, or solutions.
We barely even knew the questions.
[Sung:]
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember only our smiles,
'Cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
Don't put me under ground, I was meant for a life somewhere else.
Please Love, give me the wheel, before both of our hearts you will steal tonight.
(Will steal tonight...)
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember only our smiles,
'Cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.
[Spoken:]
Our cracking voices became part of the music.
The car pressed on faster through the night.
As our voices lowered, the cadence again overtook the air.
Up ahead there was a curve approaching.
She made no indications of slowing.
Not this post, Hunter
Yes my friends, I am typing this at three in the morning. THAT is devotion.
(Mixed with guilt of not having updated this in a while)
I have a surprise though! What I think will be a rather good post! I even wrote down all the stuff I wanted to write so I would remember everything... now, allow me to go grab this scrap of paper...
Okay, so (I'll try to not be annoying about this *ahem*) my family and I put a Barack Obama sign out in our yard, oh say three weeks ago or so, to show our support for the best presidential candidate :) The whole putting up of the sign was sort of funny because I think my dad is legitimately afraid that ultra-conservative Naper-villains are gonna come and egg our house, I assured him that my graduation sign wold garner far more eggs than Mr. Obama would. Anyways, we put this sign up and all was well and good. Only, then the unthinkable happened... hang on I need to turn off the B-52's... ahem, so I'm driving down my street (which is not very long at all, mind you) and minding my own business, but then i glance at my neighbors house, and what I saw was so shocking I had to double-take. My neighbor actually had the nerve to put a McCain sign 3 houses down from my Obama sign. At first I was a little bit peeved and plotting on how I was gonna "extract" the sign from his lawn, but when I got around to really thinking about it, it's sort of funny. I think of it like a 21st Century "Keeping up with the Joneses", this time, instead of getting a pool if your neighbor gets one, you have to show political support that you feel overrules your neighbors. I wonder if I hung up an Obama flag if another one may pop up on my block? It just goes to show that we American's haven't changed entirely from the 1950's of yore.
Moving on... I was thinking about Senioritis, and, my brain being so complex and all... I got to wondering: What if Senioritis is a placebo affect? I know that sounds like a narrow minded thought, but hear me out. I get that as second semester seniors it isn't exactly the easiest thing to focus in school, but what if instead of being distracted with the prospect of college being right around the corner, we're actually thinking we can't pay attention because everyone blames "Senioritis", maybe we actually are capable of doing an above average job but we just tell ourselves not to? After going through that whole process my train of though stopped at the next station (Pun most certainly intended), and got me wondering about Junior Year. This may not be true with everyone but we're (I'm) going to use a generalization to get my point across. Everyone says Junior year is the hardest year, or most stressful, or most academically challenging. Then that little word I love to apply crept into my mind and got me wondering if maybe the aspect of Junior year, in and of itself, was a placebo affect as well. Maybe from hearing all the talk of about how hard it's going to be, our brains make the work more complex than it actually is; maybe the work is actually as easy as it was freshman or sophomore year, but because of all the talk about the dread of Junior year, we convert something as simple as a jigsaw puzzle into a Rubik's cube, so to speak. I wonder how much people talk about things influences us in life. This could go into a much deeper post but, seeing as my clock is now saying 2:55 AM, I'm going to have to move on to my next topic. My case in point is that maybe the thought of Junior Year is all a placebo affect.
Ok, this is a disclaimer: This next post is not going to be what you'd typically expect
As I was listening to the school talk about how they're enforcing the dress code blah blah blah, I began to ponder if teachers (hopefully only the younger/middle-aged set) ever get attracted to students. I know, this is actually really creepin' of me, but I just wonder if teachers think of students as a strict platonic relationship, or almost as though they're the parents to the children, or if in certain rare cases there is an element of attraction (that of course the teacher has to hide, going back to the whole "jail-bait" topic.. which I've never discussed...) Ummm
That's about it... I literally can't keep my eyes opened and am typing this with them closed so I'm going to bed. Hopefully this will hold all of my devoted readers over until I can post next.
Oh... one last piece of news.
BLOC PARTY ARE PLAYING LOLLAPALOOZA THIS YEAR!!! AHHHH EXCITING!
(Mixed with guilt of not having updated this in a while)
I have a surprise though! What I think will be a rather good post! I even wrote down all the stuff I wanted to write so I would remember everything... now, allow me to go grab this scrap of paper...
Okay, so (I'll try to not be annoying about this *ahem*) my family and I put a Barack Obama sign out in our yard, oh say three weeks ago or so, to show our support for the best presidential candidate :) The whole putting up of the sign was sort of funny because I think my dad is legitimately afraid that ultra-conservative Naper-villains are gonna come and egg our house, I assured him that my graduation sign wold garner far more eggs than Mr. Obama would. Anyways, we put this sign up and all was well and good. Only, then the unthinkable happened... hang on I need to turn off the B-52's... ahem, so I'm driving down my street (which is not very long at all, mind you) and minding my own business, but then i glance at my neighbors house, and what I saw was so shocking I had to double-take. My neighbor actually had the nerve to put a McCain sign 3 houses down from my Obama sign. At first I was a little bit peeved and plotting on how I was gonna "extract" the sign from his lawn, but when I got around to really thinking about it, it's sort of funny. I think of it like a 21st Century "Keeping up with the Joneses", this time, instead of getting a pool if your neighbor gets one, you have to show political support that you feel overrules your neighbors. I wonder if I hung up an Obama flag if another one may pop up on my block? It just goes to show that we American's haven't changed entirely from the 1950's of yore.
Moving on... I was thinking about Senioritis, and, my brain being so complex and all... I got to wondering: What if Senioritis is a placebo affect? I know that sounds like a narrow minded thought, but hear me out. I get that as second semester seniors it isn't exactly the easiest thing to focus in school, but what if instead of being distracted with the prospect of college being right around the corner, we're actually thinking we can't pay attention because everyone blames "Senioritis", maybe we actually are capable of doing an above average job but we just tell ourselves not to? After going through that whole process my train of though stopped at the next station (Pun most certainly intended), and got me wondering about Junior Year. This may not be true with everyone but we're (I'm) going to use a generalization to get my point across. Everyone says Junior year is the hardest year, or most stressful, or most academically challenging. Then that little word I love to apply crept into my mind and got me wondering if maybe the aspect of Junior year, in and of itself, was a placebo affect as well. Maybe from hearing all the talk of about how hard it's going to be, our brains make the work more complex than it actually is; maybe the work is actually as easy as it was freshman or sophomore year, but because of all the talk about the dread of Junior year, we convert something as simple as a jigsaw puzzle into a Rubik's cube, so to speak. I wonder how much people talk about things influences us in life. This could go into a much deeper post but, seeing as my clock is now saying 2:55 AM, I'm going to have to move on to my next topic. My case in point is that maybe the thought of Junior Year is all a placebo affect.
Ok, this is a disclaimer: This next post is not going to be what you'd typically expect
As I was listening to the school talk about how they're enforcing the dress code blah blah blah, I began to ponder if teachers (hopefully only the younger/middle-aged set) ever get attracted to students. I know, this is actually really creepin' of me, but I just wonder if teachers think of students as a strict platonic relationship, or almost as though they're the parents to the children, or if in certain rare cases there is an element of attraction (that of course the teacher has to hide, going back to the whole "jail-bait" topic.. which I've never discussed...) Ummm
That's about it... I literally can't keep my eyes opened and am typing this with them closed so I'm going to bed. Hopefully this will hold all of my devoted readers over until I can post next.
Oh... one last piece of news.
BLOC PARTY ARE PLAYING LOLLAPALOOZA THIS YEAR!!! AHHHH EXCITING!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Mix of the Moment #4
I Am One - (+44)
Like Toy Soldiers - Eminem
Beat It - Fall Out Boy ft. John Mayer
Touch My Body - Mariah Carey
4 Minutes - Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake
Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
Stop and Stare - OneRepublic
Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
Horse to Water - R.E.M.
Firefight - Jimmy Eat World
Moving to New York - The Wombats
I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes) - The Used
Whatever You Like - Nicole Scherzinger ft. T.I.
Scream - Timbaland ft. Nicole Scherzinger and Keri Hilson
Touch Me - Heidi Montag
No More - Heidi Montag
Check Yes Juliet - We the Kings
Skyway Avenue - We the Kings
Whoa - We the Kings
The Quiet - We the Kings
Headlines Read Out - We the Kings
Saturday, April 5, 2008
...And in the darkness bind them.
So, totally have been going a little bit Middle-Earth crazy right now. Which is why I haven't been posting... that and some other things but those are trivial (like sleeping, and being out with friends) I'm sure this Middle-Earth thing will pass... eventually... but it has led me to get into another MMO (or Massively Multiplayer Online game) (I used to play World of Warcraft) and it's sort of really refreshing. Don't be surprised though if I show up to your house dressed like an elf. Or a Rider of the Riddermark... or perhaps a Soldier from Gondor... or a hobbit? Decisions... decisions.. I should probably update my profile picture so that it's me with my new hair.
Nyeh, lazy.
What a pointless, pointless post.
LOVES! <3
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
What's sad?
What is sad is that I MISSED MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY BLOG!! :(
Other than that... what is sad is my social life, or lack thereof (can that statement become cliche yet?) I literally have been nothing except working, coming home, and doing less than nothing.
I've been getting really sad recently, and I don't know why. I think I might be unhappy with my life right now? I don't know, but I hate being unhappy. I just feel so discontented. I wish this year was over, because right now my brain has pushed the thought of the total of 14 pages of research people left to do out of my brain, and they're both going to be due SO much sooner than I'd ever wished for.
....
Totally took like a thirty minute break there to peruse the internet. I'm still looking for an efficient way of posting music on this blog.
Well, I'm going to have to cut this short because I feel like lying in bed and being depressed.
I'll have a thought-inducing post up sooner or later...
EDIT: Nevermind, didn't miss the one year anniversary of my blog *phew*
Saturday, March 29, 2008
I just broke my stress ball.
That title is an absolute lie; but if I did have a stress ball, it'd probably be broken. These first few days of Spring Break have actually been some of the most stressful of this entire year. Besides for the fact that my mother and father left me with my brother and his girlfriend (two of the laziest people I've ever met in my entire life), I've been picking up all the chores they haven't been doing, been getting yelled at my brother's girlfriend because I'll occasionally forget to do one or two things in my list of about 11 chores I have to do each day, been dealing with friend drama (that they don't know about), been dealing with school drama, and have been busy contemplating my life, and whether or not I'm making the most of it. As if that wasn't enough, as of yesterday, my grandfather (who is older than 90) had to be rushed to the hospital. While my parents are out of town. So now, not only do I have to feed the dogs 3 times a day, collect the dishes throughout the house after the end of each day, do the dishes, do my laundry, let the dogs out to go potty, feed the fish, open the blinds in the morning and close them at night, but now I have to drive up to La Grange Hospital (about a 40 minute drive) each day to spend some time with him (I'm not saying that it's a bad thing but there's so much to do at home that won't get done if I'm not here). My life feels like a big ball about to explode. Oh, yeah, and my cell phone won't make calls, so now I have to carry around two. My dads to call people with, and mine to text with. Fun.
In the mix of all this I have been contemplating a lot of stuff; friends, my life, the future, and in particular the past. I realized today... tonight actually... that my life has not been as fulfilling to me as it probably has been to others. I see all these other people, some who used to be some of my dearest friends, going out to partys and having fun, usually involving something illegal, and I have always thought Oh, I don't need that, my life is perfectly fine without that. Then I lost friends. I lost one to a move, one to his ass-holeness, one to popularity, and one to his girlfriend. I now have three people in my life that I can rely on, and sometimes I wish I had those four that I've lost back in my life, some more than others, but it'd be nice. Granted, two of them are unmendable relationships, but even when I've tried to mend the other two it just doesn't work. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that my two friends I have now are not adequate, but there are times I just miss the other people. Like tonight... when I was sitting in my basement alone, playing X amount of songs in Rock Band for the X Hundredth time. I did at one point get a text from one of those lost friends to come pick her up, and my heart skipped a beat, but then it was a false alarm because she got another ride home. I was literally crushed.
I'm going to steal a line from Juno and say I'm "dealing with things waaay beyond my maturity level."
Blah, life just feels so condensed into a tupperware container that it is too big for and it is just going to blow up. I mean, so far this break has actually been more stressful than school. Before I know it I'LL be in the hospital. With an Ulcer.
For now though, I'm going to bed. So I can wake up at ten. And then Shower. And then drive to Cingular, and get my phone fixed. And then drive out to La Grange Hospital. And then drive home and eat. And then go to work. And then come home and try to have a social life (it won't happen)
*Sigh* Good night all. I hope your pregnancy is going well Greeninator
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Ah, how the mighty have fallen (part 2)
Just when I get to the height of my blogging, I fall off the bandwagon. This is my first update in almost like, a month. Oops! Sorry to all my loyal fans, this is no way to garner more attention from new readers that may or may not come here from VerveEarth. Ahem, anyways, I've been up to nothing much besides stressing. Major stress-age. My psychiatrist brought up an interesting point today. The last few months of Senior Year suck. Especially if you have big projects, because it's like you can see the end but at the same time you still have all this work pulling you back. He also made the point that Junior Year might even be less stressful than Senior Year, because Junior Year, when you get a project assigned, you know you have to do it, but Senior Year you can see the light at the end of the tunnel but you have these obstacles in your way that keep you from spreading your wings and taking flight away from H.S. In short, 8 Page Law Paper + 6 Page Research Paper + 30 Minute presentation = :(
Blah, in other news I quit Portillo's, almost a year after I got hired there (some time in March) and I think lasting a year there is pretty impressive. It is by no means an easy job. So now I'm filling out four applications... to four different GameStop's. I am determined to work there. At least I hope I'll get hired. What an ideal job... standing around all day talking about video games, that'd be fantastic. All I have is until March 31st, then I am out like Disco. Speaking of Disco... I'm listening to the new Panic at the Disco CD (Yes, the one that gets released next week ;)) It's OKAY. I really like their next single but I'm not sure how I feel about the rest of the CD, I mean, all the songs sound sort of the same. We'll see though, this is my second listen-through so maybe my mind will change, my opinion isn't set in stone yet. The guitar in it is really cool, very Beatles-esque (the whole album sort of is, which also bugs me)
Other than Panic, in the way of music, I have been listening to a whole heck of a lot of Danity Kane. Their new album is absolutely amazing and if you have any appreciation for Pop music you need to go buy it.
I've been thinking about going to college a lot. I mean, every adult I talk to makes it sound like you'll lose all your High School friends in college, but I don't want that to happen. I was talking to Matt Hopkins today, and I made a statement which I really mean... I would rather do Senior Year over and over again than go to college. It would just be so much better for me (Mr. Anti-Change himself) because I'm not ready to leave home, meet new people, be challenged in different ways... it's just... nerve-wracking.
That's all I can think of writing for now.
If you're curious about the Panic album (entitled "Pretty. Odd." then you can click here for a track-by-track breakdown (it's very brief)
Blah, in other news I quit Portillo's, almost a year after I got hired there (some time in March) and I think lasting a year there is pretty impressive. It is by no means an easy job. So now I'm filling out four applications... to four different GameStop's. I am determined to work there. At least I hope I'll get hired. What an ideal job... standing around all day talking about video games, that'd be fantastic. All I have is until March 31st, then I am out like Disco. Speaking of Disco... I'm listening to the new Panic at the Disco CD (Yes, the one that gets released next week ;)) It's OKAY. I really like their next single but I'm not sure how I feel about the rest of the CD, I mean, all the songs sound sort of the same. We'll see though, this is my second listen-through so maybe my mind will change, my opinion isn't set in stone yet. The guitar in it is really cool, very Beatles-esque (the whole album sort of is, which also bugs me)
Other than Panic, in the way of music, I have been listening to a whole heck of a lot of Danity Kane. Their new album is absolutely amazing and if you have any appreciation for Pop music you need to go buy it.
I've been thinking about going to college a lot. I mean, every adult I talk to makes it sound like you'll lose all your High School friends in college, but I don't want that to happen. I was talking to Matt Hopkins today, and I made a statement which I really mean... I would rather do Senior Year over and over again than go to college. It would just be so much better for me (Mr. Anti-Change himself) because I'm not ready to leave home, meet new people, be challenged in different ways... it's just... nerve-wracking.
That's all I can think of writing for now.
If you're curious about the Panic album (entitled "Pretty. Odd." then you can click here for a track-by-track breakdown (it's very brief)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
More stuff I just can't comprehend
Listen to this speech an Oklahoma State Legislator gave. I don't know how these people get elected.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
A sad day, for all football fans
Even if you're not a Brett Favre/Green Bay fan, everyone should watch his retirement speech he made thursday, it had me so choked up! Nothing like watching a grown man cry :-(
This man has been an idol of mine, my entire life. One of my goals, before I die, was to see this man play. Now it will never happen, but I wish Brett the best in wherever he goes from here. He was an inspiration to me, and I'm sure many others.
EDIT: Click Here to see a list of the records Favre leads in the NFL/Packers
This man has been an idol of mine, my entire life. One of my goals, before I die, was to see this man play. Now it will never happen, but I wish Brett the best in wherever he goes from here. He was an inspiration to me, and I'm sure many others.
EDIT: Click Here to see a list of the records Favre leads in the NFL/Packers
Kind of cool....
This was probably just a "cut-and-paste" email, but I was still flattered nonetheless, and needless to say, checked it out.
"Ryan,
Your blog A Weekend in My City caught our attention. I'm the CEO of a recently launched startup for bloggers. We are searching the internet for the world's best blogs by geography, and we found yours for Naperville. I would like to invite you to our site which plots the content of the internet on an interactive map of the world. VerveEarth is an entirely new way to surf the net. It shows spatial and geographic connections that a blog search engine could never reveal.
The site is www.VerveEarth.com. Once on board, you can easily claim your blog a place in the VerveEarth world. The site is free to use and a way to drive new traffic to your blog. If our vision resonates with you, please give us a mention or add our widget to your blog. Please see our FAQ for any questions, and I welcome your feedback.
www.VerveEarth.com
Kind Regards,
Clayton
CEO | VerveEarth.com
Email | clayton@verveearth.com,"
"Ryan,
Your blog A Weekend in My City caught our attention. I'm the CEO of a recently launched startup for bloggers. We are searching the internet for the world's best blogs by geography, and we found yours for Naperville. I would like to invite you to our site which plots the content of the internet on an interactive map of the world. VerveEarth is an entirely new way to surf the net. It shows spatial and geographic connections that a blog search engine could never reveal.
The site is www.VerveEarth.com. Once on board, you can easily claim your blog a place in the VerveEarth world. The site is free to use and a way to drive new traffic to your blog. If our vision resonates with you, please give us a mention or add our widget to your blog. Please see our FAQ for any questions, and I welcome your feedback.
www.VerveEarth.com
Kind Regards,
Clayton
CEO | VerveEarth.com
Email | clayton@verveearth.com,"
Sunday, March 2, 2008
ANTICIPATE NO MORE!
At last! You can view the videos from the Senior Party!
Our first video...
A Hunter's eye view of ... well.. whatever Hunter is viewing (me thinks he turned the camera on by accident)
Me and Greg's obstacle course race. Watch around 22 seconds when he pulls an ultimate act of Tom-Foolery!
Now it's Mike and Hunter's turn for the obstacle course... a bit one sided, if you ask me :-P
And, at long last.... the boxing match between Hunter and I. Watch as I get embarassed.
That's it for the Senior Party, for the pictures from the party, please, click here
Our first video...
A Hunter's eye view of ... well.. whatever Hunter is viewing (me thinks he turned the camera on by accident)
Me and Greg's obstacle course race. Watch around 22 seconds when he pulls an ultimate act of Tom-Foolery!
Now it's Mike and Hunter's turn for the obstacle course... a bit one sided, if you ask me :-P
And, at long last.... the boxing match between Hunter and I. Watch as I get embarassed.
That's it for the Senior Party, for the pictures from the party, please, click here
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Bleh
What do you do, when two people you love have been bringing you down? What do you do when you want to talk to them but whenever you try to talk to them about something serious they get offended? What do you do when if you do manage to work up the courage to talk to them, they just make fun of you for it at a later date? What if when you're at your most sincere, they still find a way to mock you? What do you do when you feel terrible for writing this, but don't know how to approach it better?
Gah, I've been feeling so off lately, so... outside myself, and on top of that I've gotten zero sleep (that's an exaggeration, I've gotten four hours the past 3 nights), and my self-esteem is literally in the gutter. I just feel like absolute and utter crap and I hate it. I hate winter. I hate just, gah, whatever. *Sigh* Videos will be up later, and so will pics from the Senior Party.
Gah, I've been feeling so off lately, so... outside myself, and on top of that I've gotten zero sleep (that's an exaggeration, I've gotten four hours the past 3 nights), and my self-esteem is literally in the gutter. I just feel like absolute and utter crap and I hate it. I hate winter. I hate just, gah, whatever. *Sigh* Videos will be up later, and so will pics from the Senior Party.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
My Life?
So, lately I've been seriously thinking about writing my memoir (yes at age 18). The only problem is I feel like I'd get to like age 8 and be exhausted and tired with it, or I'd leave it one day and not be able to get in the groove, yet I feel like if I did write the whole thing, then I could have a shot at getting it published? That'd be freakin' awesome, but, again, I don't know if I'd have the attention span to complete it. Thoughts???
AT LONG LAST!!!
FINALLY! MUSIC ON MY BLOG (Lets hope!)
This weeks song is a Miley Cyrus song, entitled East Northumberland High, which I'm pretty sure is the name of her High School? Regardless, it's an incredibly catchy song, and I can't stop listening to it! Probably one of the most fun songs by her (all her songs are fun though lol!) Listen in and Enjoy!!
(Edit: It may come out kind of loud, not entirely sure how to control the volume yet)
This weeks song is a Miley Cyrus song, entitled East Northumberland High, which I'm pretty sure is the name of her High School? Regardless, it's an incredibly catchy song, and I can't stop listening to it! Probably one of the most fun songs by her (all her songs are fun though lol!) Listen in and Enjoy!!
(Edit: It may come out kind of loud, not entirely sure how to control the volume yet)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
ANTICIPATION!
Big post coming soon, not necessarily deep, but lots of videos! Including: me getting my butt kicked, a boxing match between twins, and other various pictures!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Happy Anniversary to Me!
Interesting day today, most interesting indeed.
This morning for the first two periods, we (meaning my Military History class, and all the other Military History classes at Central, along with some students from North) had an assembly in the auditorium, where, coordinating with the army, set up a live satellite feed with this U.S. 3-star general in Iraq, and this other Iraqi general. I'm not sure why I was looking forward to it, maybe because of the promise of media coverage. Ultimately, the entire thing was a let down, in my eyes. It was blatantly obvious that this whole "interview" was just a ploy to make the war more popular among todays youth, as we are (generally) not in favor of it. As well, the fact that the teachers screened everyone's questions in the days before and picked out all the challenging ones, only added to the facade that was this morning. One question in particular stood out, and that was when the Iraqi general was asked what the Iraqi public and media thought of the U.S. Troops and their presence. I don't remember his exact response but I do specifically remember the words/phrases: "Heroes," "Liberated," "Dreams have come true," "Gracious," and "Overjoyed". Based on all the news coverage I watch, and read, I am certain this is not true. If I wanted to be spoon-fed answers about how well this war is going and how justified it is then I would have just watched Fox News and the O'Reilly Factor (Yes, that is on Fox News). I was foolish enough to actually think that this would be a learning experience. The good part of the entire thing was that I got a valid excuse to dress up and show off my fantastic skinny tie.
I used to hate dressing up but when I find a picture I want to model off of, then I enjoy it (though 9/10 times it ends up not looking nearly as good on me as it does on the model/celebrity I theme my outfit after. See: This Picture was my source of inspiration) Clearly, I didn't look nearly as dashing as that young man. Hey, nothing wrong with trying!
Every day that I read political stuff (like the news, lol) I always think What would I do in that situation? Then I arrive at an answer and am like Now if I could actually do that... and that leads me to want to be a Senator more and more. The more corruption and Narcissism and bribery (aka lobbying) going on with politicians the more it makes me want to be able to do something about it. I'm excited for tomorrow morning though, I'm going in at 7 (yikes!) to talk to Mr. Hopkins about different types of lawyers and different kinds of law you can go into. That'll be most exhilarating, and probably help me decided exactly what type of lawyer I want to be.
In other news, at my moms school every year they have an American Idol competition among the staff, and for some bizarre reason my mom volunteered me to play guitar for the show. I really want to do it but I don't know what songs I'd have to play! Hopefully it won't be hard stuff so I can actually play my first "show", that would exciting! Majorly.
Well, I have to cut this post short because I have a lot to do, both homework-wise and leisure-wise. I hope you all had a fantastic day!
PS: The reason my title involves My Anniversary is because this is my 60th post! Yay! 40 more to go!
This morning for the first two periods, we (meaning my Military History class, and all the other Military History classes at Central, along with some students from North) had an assembly in the auditorium, where, coordinating with the army, set up a live satellite feed with this U.S. 3-star general in Iraq, and this other Iraqi general. I'm not sure why I was looking forward to it, maybe because of the promise of media coverage. Ultimately, the entire thing was a let down, in my eyes. It was blatantly obvious that this whole "interview" was just a ploy to make the war more popular among todays youth, as we are (generally) not in favor of it. As well, the fact that the teachers screened everyone's questions in the days before and picked out all the challenging ones, only added to the facade that was this morning. One question in particular stood out, and that was when the Iraqi general was asked what the Iraqi public and media thought of the U.S. Troops and their presence. I don't remember his exact response but I do specifically remember the words/phrases: "Heroes," "Liberated," "Dreams have come true," "Gracious," and "Overjoyed". Based on all the news coverage I watch, and read, I am certain this is not true. If I wanted to be spoon-fed answers about how well this war is going and how justified it is then I would have just watched Fox News and the O'Reilly Factor (Yes, that is on Fox News). I was foolish enough to actually think that this would be a learning experience. The good part of the entire thing was that I got a valid excuse to dress up and show off my fantastic skinny tie.
I used to hate dressing up but when I find a picture I want to model off of, then I enjoy it (though 9/10 times it ends up not looking nearly as good on me as it does on the model/celebrity I theme my outfit after. See: This Picture was my source of inspiration) Clearly, I didn't look nearly as dashing as that young man. Hey, nothing wrong with trying!
Every day that I read political stuff (like the news, lol) I always think What would I do in that situation? Then I arrive at an answer and am like Now if I could actually do that... and that leads me to want to be a Senator more and more. The more corruption and Narcissism and bribery (aka lobbying) going on with politicians the more it makes me want to be able to do something about it. I'm excited for tomorrow morning though, I'm going in at 7 (yikes!) to talk to Mr. Hopkins about different types of lawyers and different kinds of law you can go into. That'll be most exhilarating, and probably help me decided exactly what type of lawyer I want to be.
In other news, at my moms school every year they have an American Idol competition among the staff, and for some bizarre reason my mom volunteered me to play guitar for the show. I really want to do it but I don't know what songs I'd have to play! Hopefully it won't be hard stuff so I can actually play my first "show", that would exciting! Majorly.
Well, I have to cut this post short because I have a lot to do, both homework-wise and leisure-wise. I hope you all had a fantastic day!
PS: The reason my title involves My Anniversary is because this is my 60th post! Yay! 40 more to go!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Give me envy, give me malice, give me your attention
Ok, so here is part of what I was gonna post on Friday, and I don't really remember the rest but I still have stuff to write about.
Anyways, in American Problems and the Law, on Friday, we were talking about gun control, and then my class brought up the NIU shootings (which were incredibly tragic). Before I knew it, almost my entire class (including the sub) were all calling the shooter names like weirdo, creep, loser, freak, psycho. Now, what really really peeves me about that is, that is probably what led him to do the shooting anyways! In no way am I defending his actions, but slandering a person who was probably bullied his whole life and possibly made fun of completely proves that human action does have an impact on people. All of us, students and adults, can take heed from this lesson. To students: I know we've heard all those anti-bullying speeches, but have you ever listened to them? What one of us can say that we have gone through one day without speaking negatively about one person, either to their back or their face. I get that I'm being horribly hypocritical right now, but I also was the one not taking part in that conversation in my AP Law class on Friday. The whole concept just seems mean.
Life has just been so frustrating lately, for reasons that are so menial that I can't even remember. I just question human action sometimes, the things we do and say. It's incredibly aggravating. I just want summer back, I am sick to death of this cold and want to be able to go outside with a tee-shirt and jeans on and not be cold. I'm not even saying like, 70 degrees, 50 or 60 degrees would be warm enough.
The more I think about it, the more I really wanna be a lawyer. Yet, at the same time, the more I think about it, the more I get scared that it's just me glorifying a future which I'll never achieve. My end goal to get out of this life is one of two things: Be a successful lead guitarist in a rock band, OR, the more probable one would be to take a seat in the U.S. Senate. I really want to be a Senator, I want to be able to make a change in my country. So many people talk about how our government is corrupt, and it is! But I want to be there and try to get rid of said corruption. I hate the way our government is going just as much as the next democrat, but rather than sit idle (as opposed to sitting actively) and whine, I'm going to try and do something.
That's all I'm going to write now because I'm tired and wanna get a decent nights sleep
Anyways, in American Problems and the Law, on Friday, we were talking about gun control, and then my class brought up the NIU shootings (which were incredibly tragic). Before I knew it, almost my entire class (including the sub) were all calling the shooter names like weirdo, creep, loser, freak, psycho. Now, what really really peeves me about that is, that is probably what led him to do the shooting anyways! In no way am I defending his actions, but slandering a person who was probably bullied his whole life and possibly made fun of completely proves that human action does have an impact on people. All of us, students and adults, can take heed from this lesson. To students: I know we've heard all those anti-bullying speeches, but have you ever listened to them? What one of us can say that we have gone through one day without speaking negatively about one person, either to their back or their face. I get that I'm being horribly hypocritical right now, but I also was the one not taking part in that conversation in my AP Law class on Friday. The whole concept just seems mean.
Life has just been so frustrating lately, for reasons that are so menial that I can't even remember. I just question human action sometimes, the things we do and say. It's incredibly aggravating. I just want summer back, I am sick to death of this cold and want to be able to go outside with a tee-shirt and jeans on and not be cold. I'm not even saying like, 70 degrees, 50 or 60 degrees would be warm enough.
The more I think about it, the more I really wanna be a lawyer. Yet, at the same time, the more I think about it, the more I get scared that it's just me glorifying a future which I'll never achieve. My end goal to get out of this life is one of two things: Be a successful lead guitarist in a rock band, OR, the more probable one would be to take a seat in the U.S. Senate. I really want to be a Senator, I want to be able to make a change in my country. So many people talk about how our government is corrupt, and it is! But I want to be there and try to get rid of said corruption. I hate the way our government is going just as much as the next democrat, but rather than sit idle (as opposed to sitting actively) and whine, I'm going to try and do something.
That's all I'm going to write now because I'm tired and wanna get a decent nights sleep
Shudder
Never watch crime shows (namely Veronica Mars) at 3 in the morning. Especially not when the content matter is about getting date raped, and involves intruders. I'll have fun trying to get to sleep now.
Edit: OK, now I'm REALLY creeped out. After I posted this post I went to www.rockband.com, just to see what was going on in the forums, seeing if maybe Harmonix posted any breaking news. Well, when I get on the site, it greets me as "GotSka81". Now, I assure you, that is not my user name. THat's not even the creepy part though. I always, always keep a password on my computer, and it is in my room. That means someone was in my room, figured out my password, and logged in. CREEPY. I'll be sleeping with the door and windows locked tonight.
Edit: OK, now I'm REALLY creeped out. After I posted this post I went to www.rockband.com, just to see what was going on in the forums, seeing if maybe Harmonix posted any breaking news. Well, when I get on the site, it greets me as "GotSka81". Now, I assure you, that is not my user name. THat's not even the creepy part though. I always, always keep a password on my computer, and it is in my room. That means someone was in my room, figured out my password, and logged in. CREEPY. I'll be sleeping with the door and windows locked tonight.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Roar
I wish I could make just this post Private, and not all of them. I don't want the general public to be able to read it, but certain people only haha. There are people who may read my site that I don't want to be able to see this. Gawrsh. Whatever.
Now I'm actually gonna go have that cereal
Now I'm actually gonna go have that cereal
I Used to Be A Little Boy
The only reason I titled my blog that was because that's what Billy Corgan (a la Smashing Pumpkins) sang to me as I opened this page. I didn't want to write now but I'm in a saddened mood, and I write best when I'm sad.
And now I can't remember anything I wanted to write about.
...
*sigh*
I'm gonna go have cereal.
Buenos Noches.
And now I can't remember anything I wanted to write about.
...
*sigh*
I'm gonna go have cereal.
Buenos Noches.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Scroll down
An open letter to Mrs. Green:
Dear Mrs. Green,
Please scroll down for the journals which were due today. I hope that they will meet your expectations. I will have the graphic organizers up later tonight, I just have to carry my moms scanner into my room, and I'm feeling really lazy right now. On a side note, I had a really good, deep post I was gonna put up tonight, but because of all that typing I just did, I'm all wrote-out. Now I'll have to wait 'til tomorrow or later, when I may not remember all I wanted to write about. No hard feelings :) Have a good weekend! Enjoy my journal and/or future blog posts
Sincerely,
Dr. R.M.Maxwell, Ph.D.,MD,WMD
Dear Mrs. Green,
Please scroll down for the journals which were due today. I hope that they will meet your expectations. I will have the graphic organizers up later tonight, I just have to carry my moms scanner into my room, and I'm feeling really lazy right now. On a side note, I had a really good, deep post I was gonna put up tonight, but because of all that typing I just did, I'm all wrote-out. Now I'll have to wait 'til tomorrow or later, when I may not remember all I wanted to write about. No hard feelings :) Have a good weekend! Enjoy my journal and/or future blog posts
Sincerely,
Dr. R.M.Maxwell, Ph.D.,MD,WMD
Exaggeration: Effects
Just as the causes of exaggeration are abundant, so are the effects. While exaggeration is our own little effective way to "show" and not "tell", or rather "tell" and not "say", it is also crippling to our society. Exaggeration can raise our expectations, cause anxiety and worry, create panic, and end lives, even, if used incorrectly. The worst effect of exaggeration would probably be the fact that it creates anxiety or worry. How many of us can say that someone has never come up to us and said "Oh man, the math test today is so hard, I studied for like 2 hours last night and I'm pretty sure I flunked". Well, if someone tells you that in the morning, you're going to be worried about that test all day, and not only distract you from your other classes and possibly doing your homework in your study hall, but will also lead you to only be able to think "Oh man, I'm dead, I'm going to fail this." Exaggeration can put one in a negative mind set, so instead of saying "Ok, I'm ready for this test", you're most likely thinking "Oh God, I don't remember any of this!" Now say you're finally in your desk, and the test gets handed out, and it's one of the easiest things you've ever done. Now you've spent all day worrying, not focusing in class, and instead of getting homework done in study hall, you were busy studying for a test that you would have done fine on without studying.
Another effect of exaggerating is that it can ruin things. Either people can hype them up too much, or criticize them into oblivion. Both of these things are devastating to society. Say you're really excited to see a movie, you don't know much about it, but you're still excited. Then your friend sees it and is like "Oh man, that movie stunk! It was so bad, the special effects were so fake and the acting was terrible and I'll NEVER see THAT movie again!", well, chances are you'll not go see that film. What if, though, it turns out that that becomes your favorite film, or makes you realize something important about your life. The same goes the opposite direction, what if someone hypes up something so much, and then when you finally experience whatever it is that was being hyped up and it's not nearly what you thought, but, had someone not hyped it up, then you may have enjoyed it a good amount. Comments like these can ruin experiences that we may have otherwise genuinely enjoyed.
As far-fetched as it sounds, exaggeration has the potential to end lives. At some point in your life, you or someone you know, may or may not be planning a sky-diving trip. So you decide to do some research on it by asking around, and the first person you ask, who you trust a good amount, says "oh yeah, there's like a zero percent chance of anything bad happening when you sky dive, trust me, you'd probably have a better chance of having a whale fall out of the sky!" and then you do go skydiving, with the company that your "friend" recommended, and one member of your party's chute doesn't open. It's only after the fact that you do the research you initially intended to and you discover that the company your friend recommended to you has a very unimpressive record, with someone dying once a month with them. Had you known that, you would not have used that company, but because of someones believable exaggeration, you did, and someone was paralyzed. Now, these are very rare situations and you'll probably never encounter them in your life, and if you do encounter one, well, you won't exactly live to tell the tale ;-)
Further, what is an effect of all the above effects, is that you may be brandished a liar. If someone believes your exaggeration, and then what you said is wrong, that person is less likely to trust you, and tell other people to not trust you. If that trend continues we will end up having an (even more) untrusting society. In this day and age, there is not much more to depend on other than trust, so that is something very important to us.
Another effect of exaggerating is that it can ruin things. Either people can hype them up too much, or criticize them into oblivion. Both of these things are devastating to society. Say you're really excited to see a movie, you don't know much about it, but you're still excited. Then your friend sees it and is like "Oh man, that movie stunk! It was so bad, the special effects were so fake and the acting was terrible and I'll NEVER see THAT movie again!", well, chances are you'll not go see that film. What if, though, it turns out that that becomes your favorite film, or makes you realize something important about your life. The same goes the opposite direction, what if someone hypes up something so much, and then when you finally experience whatever it is that was being hyped up and it's not nearly what you thought, but, had someone not hyped it up, then you may have enjoyed it a good amount. Comments like these can ruin experiences that we may have otherwise genuinely enjoyed.
As far-fetched as it sounds, exaggeration has the potential to end lives. At some point in your life, you or someone you know, may or may not be planning a sky-diving trip. So you decide to do some research on it by asking around, and the first person you ask, who you trust a good amount, says "oh yeah, there's like a zero percent chance of anything bad happening when you sky dive, trust me, you'd probably have a better chance of having a whale fall out of the sky!" and then you do go skydiving, with the company that your "friend" recommended, and one member of your party's chute doesn't open. It's only after the fact that you do the research you initially intended to and you discover that the company your friend recommended to you has a very unimpressive record, with someone dying once a month with them. Had you known that, you would not have used that company, but because of someones believable exaggeration, you did, and someone was paralyzed. Now, these are very rare situations and you'll probably never encounter them in your life, and if you do encounter one, well, you won't exactly live to tell the tale ;-)
Further, what is an effect of all the above effects, is that you may be brandished a liar. If someone believes your exaggeration, and then what you said is wrong, that person is less likely to trust you, and tell other people to not trust you. If that trend continues we will end up having an (even more) untrusting society. In this day and age, there is not much more to depend on other than trust, so that is something very important to us.
Exaggeration: Causes
Exaggeration is a big part of society, from Presidential Candidates, to parents, to managers, to people on the street, you hear it almost every day. With the way todays society is going, it is no wonder that the use, and overuse, of exaggeration is on the rise. The group that most actively uses exaggeration is my generation, the teenagers/high schoolers of today, or as I call them, the "Exaggeneration". You can't go one hour without hearing at least one exaggerated statement; it has become almost like second nature for our society. If this was 80 years ago and someone said "Oh my God, I'm going to go home and sleep for like a million hours", the closest person would rush the exaggerator to the nearest hospital. Today, if one heard that statement, the reaction would be more along the lines of "Aww I wish I could but I have around 3000 tons of homework to do". What exactly causes this phenomenon? Did we just slip into it? Or do certain aspects of our life bring it about? One primary cause that reveals itself right away is the simple fact that life sucks. Who wants to focus on reality? Almost no one, which is why we have reality shows, teenage soap operas (be still my beating heart!), sit-coms, and everything else in between. Who wants to talk about the "X" amount of soldiers in Iraq that died over the weekend when you can talk about how it's "-100 degrees out"? Almost no one. Exaggeration is a way for the common man to invent their own reality, and forget the harsh realness that is real life.
Another cause of the increase in use of exaggeration is boredom. We are all, at some point during the day, bored with our lives. Why have a conversation like: "Yeah, I went home after school, and then ate a moderately sized dinner with my completely tolerable family then worked on my decent amount of homework before I took a quite soothing shower and went to bed" When you can have a conversation like: "Yeah, I sped home from school going like 50 miles per hour because I was so starving, and my mom made like the hugest meal ever, I mean, I was so hungry I could have eaten a third world country. My family was so incredibly annoying during dinner I could have punched them all in the face. It was, like, such a relief to get out of there, but then I had to do my huge amount of homework, I mean, it took me around 5 hours probably, or at least seemed like it! Once I finally finished my homework I took the most soothing shower ever, I mean, I melted it was so good. When I finally got into bed it was just like heaven, I mean I passed out like I was just knocked in the head with a hammer." Now see, isn't number two much better than number one? We all are looking for a way to spice up our lives, and not only does exaggeration do that, it also is a great way to bring up small talk. How would one be able to respond to conversation number one other than with "That sounds nice"? Or some other variation of that statement. With conversation number two, though, there are multiple questions that can be asked, like "What'd you have for dinner?" or "What did you have for homework?" There are tons of possibilities and those are just two of them.
The final feasible cause of exaggeration would be if it were used to express pain. There are people in the world who believe that no one can suffer more than them. An example of one use of this type of language would be if someone were to say "Oh man my back kills", the person using exaggeration would follow up with "Dude, not nearly as much as my shoulder, I banged up my shoulder so much more badly than you did to your back." These kinds of people should usually be ignored though because they also tend to be compulsive liars, who will blatantly say anything, and when you challenge them they get aggressive so you can't discover the fact that they are lying.
Another cause of the increase in use of exaggeration is boredom. We are all, at some point during the day, bored with our lives. Why have a conversation like: "Yeah, I went home after school, and then ate a moderately sized dinner with my completely tolerable family then worked on my decent amount of homework before I took a quite soothing shower and went to bed" When you can have a conversation like: "Yeah, I sped home from school going like 50 miles per hour because I was so starving, and my mom made like the hugest meal ever, I mean, I was so hungry I could have eaten a third world country. My family was so incredibly annoying during dinner I could have punched them all in the face. It was, like, such a relief to get out of there, but then I had to do my huge amount of homework, I mean, it took me around 5 hours probably, or at least seemed like it! Once I finally finished my homework I took the most soothing shower ever, I mean, I melted it was so good. When I finally got into bed it was just like heaven, I mean I passed out like I was just knocked in the head with a hammer." Now see, isn't number two much better than number one? We all are looking for a way to spice up our lives, and not only does exaggeration do that, it also is a great way to bring up small talk. How would one be able to respond to conversation number one other than with "That sounds nice"? Or some other variation of that statement. With conversation number two, though, there are multiple questions that can be asked, like "What'd you have for dinner?" or "What did you have for homework?" There are tons of possibilities and those are just two of them.
The final feasible cause of exaggeration would be if it were used to express pain. There are people in the world who believe that no one can suffer more than them. An example of one use of this type of language would be if someone were to say "Oh man my back kills", the person using exaggeration would follow up with "Dude, not nearly as much as my shoulder, I banged up my shoulder so much more badly than you did to your back." These kinds of people should usually be ignored though because they also tend to be compulsive liars, who will blatantly say anything, and when you challenge them they get aggressive so you can't discover the fact that they are lying.
Carpal Tunnel bound! Woo!
This is what I've been killing my fingers over for the past few days. I've gotten up to 80 percent. This person beats it. I'm jealous. I normally get to about get up to where the movie hits 7:50 then lose. Very frustrating. I will master it yet!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Sons be good to your Mothers (Special Valentines Day Entry)
There are few teenagers (let alone high school Seniors!) who still like cuddling with their mothers. I am one of them. This post is in honor of my mother, who has guided me and kept me safe these past eighteen magnificent years. My mother is one of the best there is around. I know a lot of people say that, but that is a fact. I've only "hated" her a few times in my life, but she has also saved me in so many ways that I could never hold anything against her. From my earliest memory I was always closest with my mother. She was there when I learned how to read (Elmo's Big Day? If I recollect correctly), she was there when I learned to tie my shoes, she was there when I learned how to ride my bike, she was there when I had that horrific accident with my teeth that left me scarred for life (thankfully only emotionally), she was there for me when nobody else was, not even the vice Principal of my Junior High. Just like I wrote about my teachers, my mother has gone far above the expectations of any mother. I wouldn't be where I am today if it were not for my mother. I remember when she saw me off for Kindergarten, in fact, she came WITH me to the first day of Kindergarten, snapping pictures of me wearing my school supplies, preparing for the next 13 years of schooling that I would face. I, by no means, have had an easy life, and have enough scarring memories to take up an entire book, but I have had a bearable life, and that is all thanks to my mother. Like when my brother was in much conflict with my family, she took the liberty of contacting my third grade teacher letting me know that if I was tired in class, she should let me rest. Every time there was a bad fight in our house, my mom would pull me out from my bed (where I would be sobbing into my pillow) and pull me into hers, and rub my back unto I passed out. Every time I had a paper I didn't think I could do, my mom would be there to type it for me, while I dictated what to say. She has helped me with countless projects, and I probably owe most of my K-8 academic success to her. Whenever I was young I would curl up in a ball on her lap, whenever we'd go on vacations I would follow her everywhere. Even when I got older, I used to read in her bed, sitting side by side, while we waited for my father to get home.
To every bright side of a relationship there is a dark side. My mother has kept me from doing so many things that I would have ended up regretting doing, that it is not even funny. Many teens find it hard to resist the lures of alcohol and drugs, and I owe my 100% clean nature to my mother. I would never think about doing anything illicit in fear of breaking her heart; why would anyone want to cause their mother more worry than they should? Even in my darkest time, when suicide filled my thoughts, I would never bring myself to do it, for, sadly, one reason; that reason is my mother. She has already lost one child to brain cancer, and I would never want her to think that the way I was raised led her to lose a second. I would never want to leave my mother, ever. Every time I even got close to doing the unthinkable, images of my mother and me having hysterical laughing fits (usually about nothing) popped into my mind. Images of her delivering hot plates of her special cookies to me. Images of her ordering for me at restaurants because I was too timid to. Even when I wanted nothing more than for her to leave me alone, she was still there for me. She never lets me give up, no matter how hard I try to. She always finds a way to calm me down, even if I tell myself I'm not going to let her.
The most significant time my mother has ever been there for me has to have been when I was denied admission onto the eighth grade class cruise. My grades struggled all year, and I shut everyone out, including my mother. I always said I had my homework done, I always lied right through my teeth, sincerely saying I've finished everything. Every time I did that though, a hole in my stomach opened up farther, and farther, until the point that I cracked. I showed my mom my report card, through heavy sobs and abundant tears I let her know what I was going through. At the time I was fully expecting to get blown away, to be called immature. I knew my mother wasn't like that, but I have a tendency to expect the worst. Instead what I was received with was apologies, hugs, and sympathy. I was sincere with her, and she was sincere with me. After that we got me tested for A.D.D., Depression, the works. It turned out that I suffered from both (I strongly emphasize suffer). With this, she went in with me to argue my case with our vice principal, trying to get him to admit me onto the cruise, as my poor grades had a legitimate cause behind them. Instead I was betrayed by an educator, for the second time in my life. He turned the arguement back on my parents, blaming them for not checking my assignment notebook, blaming them for not keeping a better eye on me. After my mother used an expletive, the meeting was ended, and while I was not allowed to go on the cruise, I'd never been happier to have my mother as just that.
Even today, I still curl up in a ball on her lap, and my day is not complete until I get a hug from her. Even when I'm upset and break down into tears (yes, I still cry) my mother is still there to give me one of her should-be-patented back rubs. She's still there, still in my corner, swinging it out at everything that comes at me. The least I can do in return is to protect her. My mother is a proud woman, so she will never admit when she needs help. Based on how close my relationship with her is though, I can tell. I can always tell, just as how she can always tell when I'm upset, even if I adamantly deny it. It kills me that I can't do more for her than I can, which is give her a hug, and help her relieve her stress by talking to me. Even if she doesn't think I'm being sincere when I'm trying to comfort her, or being courteous, I keep doing it, because I know her reactions are sometimes off the cuff, and I could understand her suspicion because I have been known to be sneaky at times. My mother is one of the best ever. I'm not gonna claim the best ever because then people wouldn't believe me, because everyone believes their mother's are the best. No, my mother is one of the best. Even when I'm mad at her, I still undyingly love her, and would never want anything to happen to her. She is my support, my brace, my pillow, my biggest fan, my biggest challenger, my mommy. I don't know a single time in my life that my mom has let me give up. Ever. When I want to give up trying to ride a bike, my mom kept trying to get me to try. When I gave up wanting to tie shoes, my mother kept making me try. When I wanted to give up on school, my mom was there to finish an assignment or two for me. When I wanted to give up on life my mom got help for me. It's hard for me to not tear up while I'm writing this, and I can only hope my mother sees just how sincere I'm being when she reads this. If I ever lost my mom, my entire life would vanish, I can't even handle the thought. I need my mom, just as I need air, and food, and water. I love you mom, words can't describe just how much you mean to me.
To every bright side of a relationship there is a dark side. My mother has kept me from doing so many things that I would have ended up regretting doing, that it is not even funny. Many teens find it hard to resist the lures of alcohol and drugs, and I owe my 100% clean nature to my mother. I would never think about doing anything illicit in fear of breaking her heart; why would anyone want to cause their mother more worry than they should? Even in my darkest time, when suicide filled my thoughts, I would never bring myself to do it, for, sadly, one reason; that reason is my mother. She has already lost one child to brain cancer, and I would never want her to think that the way I was raised led her to lose a second. I would never want to leave my mother, ever. Every time I even got close to doing the unthinkable, images of my mother and me having hysterical laughing fits (usually about nothing) popped into my mind. Images of her delivering hot plates of her special cookies to me. Images of her ordering for me at restaurants because I was too timid to. Even when I wanted nothing more than for her to leave me alone, she was still there for me. She never lets me give up, no matter how hard I try to. She always finds a way to calm me down, even if I tell myself I'm not going to let her.
The most significant time my mother has ever been there for me has to have been when I was denied admission onto the eighth grade class cruise. My grades struggled all year, and I shut everyone out, including my mother. I always said I had my homework done, I always lied right through my teeth, sincerely saying I've finished everything. Every time I did that though, a hole in my stomach opened up farther, and farther, until the point that I cracked. I showed my mom my report card, through heavy sobs and abundant tears I let her know what I was going through. At the time I was fully expecting to get blown away, to be called immature. I knew my mother wasn't like that, but I have a tendency to expect the worst. Instead what I was received with was apologies, hugs, and sympathy. I was sincere with her, and she was sincere with me. After that we got me tested for A.D.D., Depression, the works. It turned out that I suffered from both (I strongly emphasize suffer). With this, she went in with me to argue my case with our vice principal, trying to get him to admit me onto the cruise, as my poor grades had a legitimate cause behind them. Instead I was betrayed by an educator, for the second time in my life. He turned the arguement back on my parents, blaming them for not checking my assignment notebook, blaming them for not keeping a better eye on me. After my mother used an expletive, the meeting was ended, and while I was not allowed to go on the cruise, I'd never been happier to have my mother as just that.
Even today, I still curl up in a ball on her lap, and my day is not complete until I get a hug from her. Even when I'm upset and break down into tears (yes, I still cry) my mother is still there to give me one of her should-be-patented back rubs. She's still there, still in my corner, swinging it out at everything that comes at me. The least I can do in return is to protect her. My mother is a proud woman, so she will never admit when she needs help. Based on how close my relationship with her is though, I can tell. I can always tell, just as how she can always tell when I'm upset, even if I adamantly deny it. It kills me that I can't do more for her than I can, which is give her a hug, and help her relieve her stress by talking to me. Even if she doesn't think I'm being sincere when I'm trying to comfort her, or being courteous, I keep doing it, because I know her reactions are sometimes off the cuff, and I could understand her suspicion because I have been known to be sneaky at times. My mother is one of the best ever. I'm not gonna claim the best ever because then people wouldn't believe me, because everyone believes their mother's are the best. No, my mother is one of the best. Even when I'm mad at her, I still undyingly love her, and would never want anything to happen to her. She is my support, my brace, my pillow, my biggest fan, my biggest challenger, my mommy. I don't know a single time in my life that my mom has let me give up. Ever. When I want to give up trying to ride a bike, my mom kept trying to get me to try. When I gave up wanting to tie shoes, my mother kept making me try. When I wanted to give up on school, my mom was there to finish an assignment or two for me. When I wanted to give up on life my mom got help for me. It's hard for me to not tear up while I'm writing this, and I can only hope my mother sees just how sincere I'm being when she reads this. If I ever lost my mom, my entire life would vanish, I can't even handle the thought. I need my mom, just as I need air, and food, and water. I love you mom, words can't describe just how much you mean to me.
Happy Valentines Day
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
At long last, a look to the past
Don't you just love titles that rhyme?
I'm probably not gonna be able to finish this post in one sitting, as I am at least a little sick and want to get some sleep to get myself back on the "Health Train". I'll start off with a look to these past few weeks, and what I haven't been updating you with. Well the most recent thing that I can remember that I can say is that I went to see the Hannah Montana 3D movie on Friday, and wow. It was fantastic haha, there's nothing like seeing Hannah in 3D! I actually felt like we were all at the concert. The only bad thing about it was the Jonas Brothers didn't play SOS (Booooo) but other than that it was GREAT. I even have a picture from that night, with all of us wearing our super cool 3D glasses.
I know. What a good looking bunch. I'm sorry if this seems dry, as 1.) I'm sort of in a serious (but not bad) mood, and 2.) I'm really tired so the funny sector of my mind is running on E. Anyways, then on Saturday was the dance. The day before was fine, kinda sucky. My mom got in a fight with me and then left and didn't even see me out the door before I left for Liz's house. It was really sad because she is always there, pestering me to pose for pictures but this time she wasn't even home. I didn't know how to iron my shirt, so I had to go with a slightly wrinkled one, and had to learn how to tie myself. With that, I left for Liz's, got there, realized my camera was out of batteries, so now it is all up to Caity Hoyle and Steve in order for me to get any pictures from that night. Everyone looked good, dinner was fine, the dance was fine, it didn't seem as long this time. Probably because we got there late, then had to take pictures, then danced. After the dance me and Liz hung, and we all (Me, Liz, Cathy, and Steve) went to Egg Harbor the following morning. I (unfortunately) had to work later on that day. It sucked. I was exhausted. I figured out how much my next paycheck will be for though so that is good.
That covers my weekend pretty much, it was fun, mostly just nice to get to spend time with Liz, and finally get some more time with Mike and Hunter, I haven't hung out with them outside of school in honestly so long. It's really depressing, and now sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with them when we are together but I'm sure that is just my mind getting to me. Monday, school, then work. My manager (the one I HATE) made me shovel the sidewalks and put salt down. Oh, and this same manager (who pretty much gets off on making fun of his employees) decided to mock me in front of the whole restaurant, and I was very close to smacking him in the mouth. That was fun. Then I closed, and went home, and stayed up much later than I should have. Tuesday was the same, school, then work. I had to shovel again, which was lame, and then the same manager which I hate made me take out all the trash, even though there were plenty of other people who were more fitting for the job (read as: Stronger and bigger). Again, went home, stayed up too late, went to bed.
That brings us today. Today I am sick, which is not surprising because Liz, Steve, Cathy, Greg, Kelsey and a whole bunch of people I've been around were sick. It sucks because 1.) my mom freaked out at me for making her call me out of school (I managed to make it to 3rd hour, sorry Mrs. Green) and now is threatening to not call me in late tomorrow to pick up Liz's surprise, but I won't get in too much trouble for being 30 minutes late to Resource, and I'm sure I can coax her into calling me in. That's about all that has happened in my life. I'm more than ecstatic for Friday because Liz is throwing me a Valentine's Day surprise and I have no clue what it is, but all I know is that I love surprises, and even more so when they are from her.
That brings us to the actual "Thought" part of this post, as opposed to a physical update. I'm gonna try to write this as best as possible but keep in mind I am incredibly tired. I've been thinking about the Presidential Election a lot. Especially since now people are saying that, since Barack SWEPT through the Potomac primaries (and received no congratulations from Hillary, I may add) that Hillary may not be able to catch back up. This is really exciting. Then I read things online like people saying "If Barack wins, I'm voting Republican!", and vice versa with Hillary. Why would any good Democrat, after suffering through these miserable past 8 years ever make a threat like that? Yes, I would prefer Obama 100x more than Hillary, but never in my life would I vote Republican, be it out of spite or any other reason. The more I think that if Barack does win the nomination, the more I get scared he might not win. I literally would break down in tears if another Republican takes a seat in the Oval Office. I wouldn't be able to cope. I've watched our country crumble and disintegrate and break apart, with the only hope in mind that Bush will be out of office soon, and now it is time for the Democrats to rebuild what he has ruined, and I believe Obama is our only hope. Just listen to the man speak, and if one thinks that he is only a good speaker and has no plans, or solutions for our nations problems, then go to my.barackobama.com, and read the issues page. He has a well thought out plan for every issue this country is facing. Yes, he may be inexperienced, but isn't that a somewhat good thing? He is more apt to try things that other President's will say "Oh that won't work, people have tried it before". Barack is this generations Kennedy (but hopefully won't suffer the same fate, though I do worry about that some times) and I will back him until the end. I want to be more than an angsty blogger though, I want to get out there, get involved, I want to be able to say "I helped elect the greatest President of all time", not just say "Yeah, I supported him", but I am too timid to get out there and make signs and organize events. Once I find an event in the area I can partake in, and that gets me rolling, who knows what I'll be able to do. As a new voter, I feel inspired to get kids my age to vote as well, even if it's not for the candidate I prefer. My generation (including me) needs to not be so complacent. If we expect changes we need to demand them. Not whine about them, not blog about them (oh, the irony), not think about them to ourselves. We need to get active, let politicians know how we feel! This is our future they're toying with and the only way to ensure our future turns out the way we want it to, we have to start with doing our civic duty, that being to vote. Look for me to get much more active in Obama's campaign in the coming weeks/months
That is the only major thought I have had recently. I'll try to squeeze in another deep post tomorrow (though this one wasn't as much deep as it was just simply long), for now, I'll play a Rock Band song or two, and go to sleep
On a much less mature note: Haha, I'm at home Mrs. Green and you are teaching :-D
I know. What a good looking bunch. I'm sorry if this seems dry, as 1.) I'm sort of in a serious (but not bad) mood, and 2.) I'm really tired so the funny sector of my mind is running on E. Anyways, then on Saturday was the dance. The day before was fine, kinda sucky. My mom got in a fight with me and then left and didn't even see me out the door before I left for Liz's house. It was really sad because she is always there, pestering me to pose for pictures but this time she wasn't even home. I didn't know how to iron my shirt, so I had to go with a slightly wrinkled one, and had to learn how to tie myself. With that, I left for Liz's, got there, realized my camera was out of batteries, so now it is all up to Caity Hoyle and Steve in order for me to get any pictures from that night. Everyone looked good, dinner was fine, the dance was fine, it didn't seem as long this time. Probably because we got there late, then had to take pictures, then danced. After the dance me and Liz hung, and we all (Me, Liz, Cathy, and Steve) went to Egg Harbor the following morning. I (unfortunately) had to work later on that day. It sucked. I was exhausted. I figured out how much my next paycheck will be for though so that is good.That covers my weekend pretty much, it was fun, mostly just nice to get to spend time with Liz, and finally get some more time with Mike and Hunter, I haven't hung out with them outside of school in honestly so long. It's really depressing, and now sometimes I feel like I don't fit in with them when we are together but I'm sure that is just my mind getting to me. Monday, school, then work. My manager (the one I HATE) made me shovel the sidewalks and put salt down. Oh, and this same manager (who pretty much gets off on making fun of his employees) decided to mock me in front of the whole restaurant, and I was very close to smacking him in the mouth. That was fun. Then I closed, and went home, and stayed up much later than I should have. Tuesday was the same, school, then work. I had to shovel again, which was lame, and then the same manager which I hate made me take out all the trash, even though there were plenty of other people who were more fitting for the job (read as: Stronger and bigger). Again, went home, stayed up too late, went to bed.
That brings us today. Today I am sick, which is not surprising because Liz, Steve, Cathy, Greg, Kelsey and a whole bunch of people I've been around were sick. It sucks because 1.) my mom freaked out at me for making her call me out of school (I managed to make it to 3rd hour, sorry Mrs. Green) and now is threatening to not call me in late tomorrow to pick up Liz's surprise, but I won't get in too much trouble for being 30 minutes late to Resource, and I'm sure I can coax her into calling me in. That's about all that has happened in my life. I'm more than ecstatic for Friday because Liz is throwing me a Valentine's Day surprise and I have no clue what it is, but all I know is that I love surprises, and even more so when they are from her.
That brings us to the actual "Thought" part of this post, as opposed to a physical update. I'm gonna try to write this as best as possible but keep in mind I am incredibly tired. I've been thinking about the Presidential Election a lot. Especially since now people are saying that, since Barack SWEPT through the Potomac primaries (and received no congratulations from Hillary, I may add) that Hillary may not be able to catch back up. This is really exciting. Then I read things online like people saying "If Barack wins, I'm voting Republican!", and vice versa with Hillary. Why would any good Democrat, after suffering through these miserable past 8 years ever make a threat like that? Yes, I would prefer Obama 100x more than Hillary, but never in my life would I vote Republican, be it out of spite or any other reason. The more I think that if Barack does win the nomination, the more I get scared he might not win. I literally would break down in tears if another Republican takes a seat in the Oval Office. I wouldn't be able to cope. I've watched our country crumble and disintegrate and break apart, with the only hope in mind that Bush will be out of office soon, and now it is time for the Democrats to rebuild what he has ruined, and I believe Obama is our only hope. Just listen to the man speak, and if one thinks that he is only a good speaker and has no plans, or solutions for our nations problems, then go to my.barackobama.com, and read the issues page. He has a well thought out plan for every issue this country is facing. Yes, he may be inexperienced, but isn't that a somewhat good thing? He is more apt to try things that other President's will say "Oh that won't work, people have tried it before". Barack is this generations Kennedy (but hopefully won't suffer the same fate, though I do worry about that some times) and I will back him until the end. I want to be more than an angsty blogger though, I want to get out there, get involved, I want to be able to say "I helped elect the greatest President of all time", not just say "Yeah, I supported him", but I am too timid to get out there and make signs and organize events. Once I find an event in the area I can partake in, and that gets me rolling, who knows what I'll be able to do. As a new voter, I feel inspired to get kids my age to vote as well, even if it's not for the candidate I prefer. My generation (including me) needs to not be so complacent. If we expect changes we need to demand them. Not whine about them, not blog about them (oh, the irony), not think about them to ourselves. We need to get active, let politicians know how we feel! This is our future they're toying with and the only way to ensure our future turns out the way we want it to, we have to start with doing our civic duty, that being to vote. Look for me to get much more active in Obama's campaign in the coming weeks/months
That is the only major thought I have had recently. I'll try to squeeze in another deep post tomorrow (though this one wasn't as much deep as it was just simply long), for now, I'll play a Rock Band song or two, and go to sleep
On a much less mature note: Haha, I'm at home Mrs. Green and you are teaching :-D
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Deep post coming tomorrow!!
But for the time being...
Mix of the Moment #3
1. Break the Ice - Britney Spears
2. Push Up On Me - Rihanna
3. Rule Breaker - Ashlee Simpson
4. Pirate Bones - Natasha Bedingfield
5. Secret Valentine - We the Kings
6. Skyway Avenue - We the Kings
7. Check Yes Juliet - We the Kings
8. The Quiet - We the Kings
9. Headlines Read Out... - We the Kings
10. Take My Hand - Simple Plan
11. I Can Wait Forever - Simple Plan
12. End - Simple Plan
13. Wonderwall - Oasis
14. Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
15. Rock Star - Hannah Montana
16. Life's What You Make It - Hannah Montana
17. Good and Broken - Miley Cyrus
18. I Miss You - Miley Cyrus
19. For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore
20. That's What You Get - Paramore
21. You Are the One - Shiny Toy Guns
22. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
1. Break the Ice - Britney Spears
2. Push Up On Me - Rihanna
3. Rule Breaker - Ashlee Simpson
4. Pirate Bones - Natasha Bedingfield
5. Secret Valentine - We the Kings
6. Skyway Avenue - We the Kings
7. Check Yes Juliet - We the Kings
8. The Quiet - We the Kings
9. Headlines Read Out... - We the Kings
10. Take My Hand - Simple Plan
11. I Can Wait Forever - Simple Plan
12. End - Simple Plan
13. Wonderwall - Oasis
14. Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
15. Rock Star - Hannah Montana
16. Life's What You Make It - Hannah Montana
17. Good and Broken - Miley Cyrus
18. I Miss You - Miley Cyrus
19. For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore
20. That's What You Get - Paramore
21. You Are the One - Shiny Toy Guns
22. The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson
Lyrics of the (last) Week
Cain Said to Abel
by Bloc Party
cain said to Abel
"Brother I've been bad
Killed a fleet of angels
With my bare hands"
Cain said to Abel
"Brother I've been bad
And I can't find my glasses"
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves to drink
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves a fight
Success has been cruel
This year has been hard
Falling out of love
With the one thing I had loathed
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves to drink
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves a fight
Discipline, discipline, disappearing
Echoing, echoing, exiting
Disappearing, discipline, disappearing
Nothing there, nothing works, nothing matters
Every time, every time, I love over
Everything, everyone, every time
Family, family, shredded by
Liberty, liberty, literally
You can be, you can be, you can see
Eventually, literally, instantly
History, history, disappearing
Echoing, echoing, exiting
You look up, you look over, you can see it
Disappearing, disappearing, instantly
Literally, literally, telling them
They'll be different
They'll be special
They'll be better
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves to drink
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves a fight
by Bloc Party
cain said to Abel
"Brother I've been bad
Killed a fleet of angels
With my bare hands"
Cain said to Abel
"Brother I've been bad
And I can't find my glasses"
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves to drink
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves a fight
Success has been cruel
This year has been hard
Falling out of love
With the one thing I had loathed
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves to drink
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves a fight
Discipline, discipline, disappearing
Echoing, echoing, exiting
Disappearing, discipline, disappearing
Nothing there, nothing works, nothing matters
Every time, every time, I love over
Everything, everyone, every time
Family, family, shredded by
Liberty, liberty, literally
You can be, you can be, you can see
Eventually, literally, instantly
History, history, disappearing
Echoing, echoing, exiting
You look up, you look over, you can see it
Disappearing, disappearing, instantly
Literally, literally, telling them
They'll be different
They'll be special
They'll be better
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves to drink
This self-obsessed sinner
I hear he loves a fight
Monday, February 11, 2008
ASHFhafhwalkdhAHdkwahdwa
I hate anxiety
I hate anxiety
I hate anxiety
I hate depression
I hate anxiety
I hate depression and anxiety
I hate when I don't take my depression medicine
I hate anxiety
So scared
Can't sleep
Can't stop thinking
Hate anxiety
Hate
Hate
Hate
Scared
Tired
Worried
Anxious
Depressed
Sad
Nervous
Exhausted
I hate anxiety.
I hate anxiety
I hate anxiety
I hate depression
I hate anxiety
I hate depression and anxiety
I hate when I don't take my depression medicine
I hate anxiety
So scared
Can't sleep
Can't stop thinking
Hate anxiety
Hate
Hate
Hate
Scared
Tired
Worried
Anxious
Depressed
Sad
Nervous
Exhausted
I hate anxiety.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Because someone wouldn't let me watch it.
Here is a hilarious video of Ellen doing what she does best, being funny.
Watch the whole thing! It only gets better!
In case you didn't wanna click that link, here: Ellen + Hawaii Chair!
Watch the whole thing! It only gets better!
In case you didn't wanna click that link, here: Ellen + Hawaii Chair!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
This is why I go to High School...
Here is the list you all have been waiting for. These teachers have revolutionized how I look at school and made me want to be a teacher myself (at times). They have the power to change the world, if only the world would let them. These teachers go above and beyond their jobs, but most importantly, noticeably love their jobs, which is one of the best feelings ever. I feel a special attachment with these teachers that is close to friendship, if not actually friendship already. To any teachers who may be reading this that aren't on the list, don't consider yourself bad teachers, it's just that these elite few went above and beyond their jobs.
Without further ado:
Mrs. Green
Ms. VanderSyde/Mrs. Albiniak
Mr. Albiniak
Mr. Hopkins
Mrs. Anderson
Close seconds:
Ms. Fruin
Mr. Plackett
Mr. Baldwin
Mr. Danbom
Congratulations to those that made it, you have truly changed my life for the better and inspired me to learn, and to want to learn. While you may not have known how I felt at the time, now hopefully you do. May your incredible talent be recognized in time, and, if I ever get rich, expect a generous "thank you" gift, but for now, hopefully these words will do my feelings justice.
Edit: A deep post is coming soon, as are the lyrics of the week
Without further ado:
Mrs. Green
Ms. VanderSyde/Mrs. Albiniak
Mr. Albiniak
Mr. Hopkins
Mrs. Anderson
Close seconds:
Ms. Fruin
Mr. Plackett
Mr. Baldwin
Mr. Danbom
Congratulations to those that made it, you have truly changed my life for the better and inspired me to learn, and to want to learn. While you may not have known how I felt at the time, now hopefully you do. May your incredible talent be recognized in time, and, if I ever get rich, expect a generous "thank you" gift, but for now, hopefully these words will do my feelings justice.
Edit: A deep post is coming soon, as are the lyrics of the week
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Mix of the Moment #2
Mix of the Moment #2
1. Wonderwall - Oasis
2. Nine in the Afternoon - Panic at the Disco
3. Tonight, Tonight - Panic at the Disco (Smashing Pumpkins cover)
4. Dance Like There's No Tomorrow - Paula Abdul ft. Randy Jackson
5. Creep - Radiohead
6. I Hear the Bells - Mike Doughty
7. G.N.O. - Girls Night Out - Miley Cyrus
8. Into the Night - Santana ft. Nickelback's Chad Kroeger
9. (You Drive Me) Crazy - Britney Spears
10. Everytime (Hi-Bias Radio Remix) - Britney Spears
11. Popular - The Veronicas
12. I Can't Stay Away - The Veronicas
13. Misery Business - Paramore
14. Hallelujah - Paramore
15. For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore
16. Damaged - Danity Kane
17. Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
18. Get Me Bodied (Extended Mix) - Beyonce
19. Leave It All to Me (Theme from iCarly) - Miranda Cosgrove ft. Drake Bell
20. Rock With You - Janet Jackson
21. Great Wide Open - Funeral for a Friend
1. Wonderwall - Oasis
2. Nine in the Afternoon - Panic at the Disco
3. Tonight, Tonight - Panic at the Disco (Smashing Pumpkins cover)
4. Dance Like There's No Tomorrow - Paula Abdul ft. Randy Jackson
5. Creep - Radiohead
6. I Hear the Bells - Mike Doughty
7. G.N.O. - Girls Night Out - Miley Cyrus
8. Into the Night - Santana ft. Nickelback's Chad Kroeger
9. (You Drive Me) Crazy - Britney Spears
10. Everytime (Hi-Bias Radio Remix) - Britney Spears
11. Popular - The Veronicas
12. I Can't Stay Away - The Veronicas
13. Misery Business - Paramore
14. Hallelujah - Paramore
15. For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore
16. Damaged - Danity Kane
17. Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
18. Get Me Bodied (Extended Mix) - Beyonce
19. Leave It All to Me (Theme from iCarly) - Miranda Cosgrove ft. Drake Bell
20. Rock With You - Janet Jackson
21. Great Wide Open - Funeral for a Friend
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
An 18 Year Old Child
So, during my extensive Veronica Mars viewing last night, I got to the part of the series where they are nearing the end of their high school career, and anytime they talked about something about leaving high school I was on the verge of tears. I got to thinking, when it's my last day of school, and I'm taking my last final, will I be able to answer that last question? Put that last period on the end of my last high school essay question? Write my name on my last Naperville Central assignment ever? In my mind time will stop. Everyone talks about wanting to leave high school, get out, explore the world. Seldom do they take the time to look at all the adventuring they've done over these past four years. These last 4 years, for me, have been full of tears, heartbreak, love, new friends, fear, anxiety, relief, joy, happiness, disgust, enlightenment, and whatever other words one can think of. Sure, there has been a lot of pain, but there has been so much joy. I've walked the halls of Central countless times, heard enough swears to make a nun cry, seen enough fights to make a TV special, listened to enough gossip to fill an Us Magazine, and yet I'm not ready to leave it. Part of me has manifested itself in the halls that I've thought of as prison-like for the past few years.
If you really think of it, High School is like our parents, we resent it so much at times, but it keeps us safe, and teaches us what we need to know before sending us into the outside world. Sure, it may hand us things that we won't want to do, but isn't that what our parents do? Another thing that is really going to bum me out is leaving a good amount of my teachers. One of my favorite things in the world is having a teacher who loves teaching (and I've found surprisingly few, when it comes to my high school experience) I've been fortunate enough to have some of the best teachers ever over the course of high school. I'm not sure what it is, but when I am fortunate to get a teacher that possess such qualities, I often want to befriend them. Maybe it's because I tend to associate more with adults than with people my own age, maybe it's because I see qualities in them that I see in my own friends. If a teacher can actually make me excited for a class, then why wouldn't I want to be friends with them? They're making something I would normally dread, a treat, and that is no small feat, considering the fact that I'm the kid who used to shut down and cry when he realized he had to go to school the next day. To some of these teachers, I owe a portion of my life, for reasons I don't want to get into because then this post would take up a good part of my afternoon.
My bond that I feel with these teachers (I will post a list later) will make my leaving high school so much harder, that the more I actually think about it, the more I don't want to go. They say that before you die, your life passes before your eyes. Well, I am certain that before my high school career dies, with that last bubble being filled in, that last period being placed, that last time I'll ever write my name in a desk in Naperville Central, my High School life will pass before my eyes. All the tests I've ever taken, homework I have (or haven't) turned in, times I've been yelled at, times I've felt an instant connection with a teacher, times I've made my classmates laugh, all those times will flash, giving me my one last fresh breath of High School world before I'm nudged out into the real world.
If you really think of it, High School is like our parents, we resent it so much at times, but it keeps us safe, and teaches us what we need to know before sending us into the outside world. Sure, it may hand us things that we won't want to do, but isn't that what our parents do? Another thing that is really going to bum me out is leaving a good amount of my teachers. One of my favorite things in the world is having a teacher who loves teaching (and I've found surprisingly few, when it comes to my high school experience) I've been fortunate enough to have some of the best teachers ever over the course of high school. I'm not sure what it is, but when I am fortunate to get a teacher that possess such qualities, I often want to befriend them. Maybe it's because I tend to associate more with adults than with people my own age, maybe it's because I see qualities in them that I see in my own friends. If a teacher can actually make me excited for a class, then why wouldn't I want to be friends with them? They're making something I would normally dread, a treat, and that is no small feat, considering the fact that I'm the kid who used to shut down and cry when he realized he had to go to school the next day. To some of these teachers, I owe a portion of my life, for reasons I don't want to get into because then this post would take up a good part of my afternoon.
My bond that I feel with these teachers (I will post a list later) will make my leaving high school so much harder, that the more I actually think about it, the more I don't want to go. They say that before you die, your life passes before your eyes. Well, I am certain that before my high school career dies, with that last bubble being filled in, that last period being placed, that last time I'll ever write my name in a desk in Naperville Central, my High School life will pass before my eyes. All the tests I've ever taken, homework I have (or haven't) turned in, times I've been yelled at, times I've felt an instant connection with a teacher, times I've made my classmates laugh, all those times will flash, giving me my one last fresh breath of High School world before I'm nudged out into the real world.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Ummm...
I was totally gonna post something and then I forgot, hardcore... Well, I'm going grocery shopping. Later!
Edit: I remember why I got on here! It was to put a link to my webshots page on my sidebar, that way you all can go see what I've been up to (assuming I have my [dads] camera with me)
Edit: I remember why I got on here! It was to put a link to my webshots page on my sidebar, that way you all can go see what I've been up to (assuming I have my [dads] camera with me)
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Starved Rock
Ok, so, on Saturday (the 26th of January), my mom, my dad, jeremy, danielle, Liz, and I went to Starved Rock. We had to wake up at 7 in the morning :( so I was really tired by the time we got there. When we finally did get there we met up with my Aunt, my Uncle, my Cousin, and her boyfriend. My family used to always go there when I was little, so this was sort of like a walk (or hike) down memory lane. The weather was cold, but not too cold, just perfect for a hike through the woods. The day would have been much better had it not been for my typical male stubbornness. The entire month before my mom and dad had been telling me "make sure you buy boots, your converse won't keep you warm", well, I didn't heed their warning, and I ventured out with my converse on, figuring the double layering of socks I had going would protect me. Then I had to walk in a river. Something I didn't anticipate. Well, needless to say after standing in this river for long enough, I sprinted back to the lodge ahead of everyone so that I could warm my feet up. This entailed running up 148 stairs, something that made my legs feel like jelly as I haven't put that much physical exertion on my legs in a good few months. After I made it back to the lodge, I took the time to restore feeling to my feet.
My dad and Liz were the first to return to find me sprawled on a couch using my coat as a blanket. For the next half hour or so Liz and I snuggled on the couch taking pictures (see below), then it came time for lunch, which we had at the lodge's restaurant. At lunch I had a delicious grilled cheese with french fries. Before lunch i'd put on this heinous pair of my dads boots which I was so glad that no one could see me in. After lunch me and Liz took a walk to Lover's Leap, though we never made it there because we had to turn back for this bird show we had to go to.
The bird show was pretty cool, we saw some hawks, and owls, and they let them fly across the room and over peoples heads. Then they brought out a possum (ewww!), then the big show stealer came, the Bald Eagle. This thing was a lot bigger than I thought it'd be, and I'd forgotten to take pictures of the other birds, so I loaded up on pictures of Mr. Bald Eagle.
After the bird show we bid adieu to the lodge and returned to our car. For some reason my mom made us go to this lame place to see eagles in the wild, even though we all were exhausted. After THAT, we returned to the car, and me and Liz cuddled up in the back seat and fell asleep for about an hour or so. After we arrived back at my house, Liz and I watched some TV before I had to take her home. Needless to say, it was a very good day and I had an indescribably good time spending the afternoon with Liz in the woods. I felt like I got to know her so much more, even though we've been dating for over a year and a half.
NOW FOR THE PICTURES!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!
A Landscape
Mom and Pop Maxwell
Frozen Waterfall!
Me and Jeremy
Me and Liz :)
FOR A LOT MORE PICTURES GO TO: MY WEBSHOTS PAGE
My dad and Liz were the first to return to find me sprawled on a couch using my coat as a blanket. For the next half hour or so Liz and I snuggled on the couch taking pictures (see below), then it came time for lunch, which we had at the lodge's restaurant. At lunch I had a delicious grilled cheese with french fries. Before lunch i'd put on this heinous pair of my dads boots which I was so glad that no one could see me in. After lunch me and Liz took a walk to Lover's Leap, though we never made it there because we had to turn back for this bird show we had to go to.
The bird show was pretty cool, we saw some hawks, and owls, and they let them fly across the room and over peoples heads. Then they brought out a possum (ewww!), then the big show stealer came, the Bald Eagle. This thing was a lot bigger than I thought it'd be, and I'd forgotten to take pictures of the other birds, so I loaded up on pictures of Mr. Bald Eagle.
After the bird show we bid adieu to the lodge and returned to our car. For some reason my mom made us go to this lame place to see eagles in the wild, even though we all were exhausted. After THAT, we returned to the car, and me and Liz cuddled up in the back seat and fell asleep for about an hour or so. After we arrived back at my house, Liz and I watched some TV before I had to take her home. Needless to say, it was a very good day and I had an indescribably good time spending the afternoon with Liz in the woods. I felt like I got to know her so much more, even though we've been dating for over a year and a half.
NOW FOR THE PICTURES!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!
A Landscape
Mom and Pop Maxwell
Frozen Waterfall!
Me and Jeremy
Me and Liz :)FOR A LOT MORE PICTURES GO TO: MY WEBSHOTS PAGE
!!!
Depending on how fast Webshots goes I'll either have my Starved Rock post in a few moments, or after I get off of work at 8. Be excited! :)
Edit: Doesn't look like that'll be happening folks. Well, check back for a post tonight! Woo! Thank's for visiting
Edit: Doesn't look like that'll be happening folks. Well, check back for a post tonight! Woo! Thank's for visiting
Monday, January 28, 2008
Coming soon...
A post from Saturday with pictures and video(?) will be coming soon. I just have to work up the energy and find the cord for my camera
Saturday, January 26, 2008
This is DESPICABLE
*I stole this link from Perez Hilton's site*
So this radio host in DC interviewed Shirley Phelps-Roper, the daughter of the guy who leads the "God Hates Fags" Church, aka the Westboro Baptist Church, and she talks about why her church is going to protest Heath Ledgers funeral. It made me feel sick to my stomach. Why, no, HOW does anyone feel this way???
Absolutely despicable.
Ok this literally makes me sick to my stomach.
Please, anyone who sees this, listen to this and understand what kind of hatred exists in the world.
So this radio host in DC interviewed Shirley Phelps-Roper, the daughter of the guy who leads the "God Hates Fags" Church, aka the Westboro Baptist Church, and she talks about why her church is going to protest Heath Ledgers funeral. It made me feel sick to my stomach. Why, no, HOW does anyone feel this way???
Absolutely despicable.
Ok this literally makes me sick to my stomach.
Please, anyone who sees this, listen to this and understand what kind of hatred exists in the world.
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