I just broke my stress ball.

That title is an absolute lie; but if I did have a stress ball, it'd probably be broken. These first few days of Spring Break have actually been some of the most stressful of this entire year. Besides for the fact that my mother and father left me with my brother and his girlfriend (two of the laziest people I've ever met in my entire life), I've been picking up all the chores they haven't been doing, been getting yelled at my brother's girlfriend because I'll occasionally forget to do one or two things in my list of about 11 chores I have to do each day, been dealing with friend drama (that they don't know about), been dealing with school drama, and have been busy contemplating my life, and whether or not I'm making the most of it. As if that wasn't enough, as of yesterday, my grandfather (who is older than 90) had to be rushed to the hospital. While my parents are out of town. So now, not only do I have to feed the dogs 3 times a day, collect the dishes throughout the house after the end of each day, do the dishes, do my laundry, let the dogs out to go potty, feed the fish, open the blinds in the morning and close them at night, but now I have to drive up to La Grange Hospital (about a 40 minute drive) each day to spend some time with him (I'm not saying that it's a bad thing but there's so much to do at home that won't get done if I'm not here). My life feels like a big ball about to explode. Oh, yeah, and my cell phone won't make calls, so now I have to carry around two. My dads to call people with, and mine to text with. Fun. 

In the mix of all this I have been contemplating a lot of stuff; friends, my life, the future, and in particular the past. I realized today... tonight actually... that my life has not been as fulfilling to me as it probably has been to others. I see all these other people, some who used to be some of my dearest friends, going out to partys and having fun, usually involving something illegal, and I have always thought Oh, I don't need that, my life is perfectly fine without that. Then I lost friends. I lost one to a move, one to his ass-holeness, one to popularity, and one to his girlfriend. I now have three people in my life that I can rely on, and sometimes I wish I had those four that I've lost back in my life, some more than others, but it'd be nice. Granted, two of them are unmendable relationships, but even when I've tried to mend the other two it just doesn't work. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that my two friends I have now are not adequate, but there are times I just miss the other people. Like tonight... when I was sitting in my basement alone, playing X amount of songs in Rock Band for the X Hundredth time. I did at one point get a text from one of those lost friends to come pick her up, and my heart skipped a beat, but then it was a false alarm because she got another ride home. I was literally crushed.

I'm going to steal a line from Juno and say I'm "dealing with things waaay beyond my maturity level." 

Blah, life just feels so condensed into a tupperware container that it is too big for and it is just going to blow up. I mean, so far this break has actually been more stressful than school. Before I know it I'LL be in the hospital. With an Ulcer.

For now though, I'm going to bed. So I can wake up at ten. And then Shower. And then drive to Cingular, and get my phone fixed. And then drive out to La Grange Hospital. And then drive home and eat. And then go to work. And then come home and try to have a social life (it won't happen)

*Sigh* Good night all. I hope your pregnancy is going well Greeninator